“Intrusive memories. Nightmares. Flashbacks” but are they intrusive if they are all you have left? Are they really nightmares if they happen when you are awake And are they flashbacks if you've never moved forward Please don't label it me don't try to put a name on the pain my pain don't try to fit the screaming and the crying and tearing at my skin and hair and face into a pretty box don't slap on a “damaged goods” sticker on a girl whose life you have not lived don't pretend not even for a moment that you know what it is to look into a glass reflection of a the face of a look alike and cut and cut cut cut until the pieces of your hair surround you only to find that damn. You still recognize yourself “Detachment. Avoidance. Numbing” but I am not detaching, I am looking for a place where their stares do not hurt me and their looks don't break me to the ground and I am not avoiding I have just created a glass A beautiful clean glass That they can not enter and there is a sadness such a deep burning emptiness of no longer smiling at the sound of children laughing and no longer desiring to touch a newborn baby's toes of no longer feeling the warm tears that come with the death of a loved one do not call this emptiness “numbing” this implies that the block of ice settled inside was chosen purposeful applied by me do not give a name to something I live every single day but still do not understand do not label who I have become and wake up to and go to sleep with and stare at in the mirror but still do not know further, still do not want to know.