My day seems to revolve around taking showers and waiting for emails.
Almost all mornings begin like this: I reach across to my left, pull my laptop off the floor, rest it on my chest, open it and switch it on – without even opening my eyes. Once I hear the familiar, comforting sound of my in-box coming to life I slowly open my eyes and begin deleting the 10 or so penis enlargement emails followed by the 10 or so emails to do with my work.
If the boys aren’t already in bed with us, by 7am they come running. They jump on the bed and ask to be tucked in. V will roll her back to us on the edge of the bed in order to get as much sleep as she can before getting up to prepare the boys for school.
My next task, unless I get bogged down responding to emails, is to shower. This morning I showered soon after waking up because I had no emails from anyone worth replying to. I shut the glass doors of the shower cubicle and started to first shampoo my hair. On rinsing the lather off I opened my eyes to find the cubicle doors wide open and water all over the floor. The twins were standing giggling by the door.
“Haaaaaay!” I bellowed
“DON’T OPEN THE SHOWER DOOR! HOW MANY TIMES… VARINDERRRRRRRR!” I shouted.
“What’s going on? Oh not again. Can’t you keep an eye on them? Boys, come with mummy and let’s get dressed.”
And off they go while I mop the floor with my bath towel.
Varinder prepares them for school. I chauffeur them to school. This morning we took a back route to avoid the motorway traffic. Incidentally it’s a 26 mile round trip to their school but Singelun is reputedly the best there is in Belgium. V wouldn’t even consider the three local schools we could have walked the boys to.
The back route, which is farther in distance, has many road bumps to slow people like me down. People like me, however, don’t slow down. And three miles to school Kourosh threw up all over himself. He cried a little and then pleaded to go back home. Fortunately they have several changes of clothes in their school lockers.
The rest of the day is filled with emails, phone calls, tea, a snack, more tea and back to collect the boys at 3pm.
Collecting the boys and bringing them home is very exciting. They talk excitedly most of the way home about subjects ranging from their school day to Maman jan (my mum and what they want to eat for dinner. Once home while I try to cook up some corn on the cob and sausages. Next comes a little bit of TV – at the moment they are totally attached to “the Incredibles”, followed by bath time.
Every once in a while I join the boys in the bath near bedtime. They love it. I love it.
I shampoo their hair, work up a lather on their little bodies with gentle soap and rinse them ‘til they squeak.
On this one particular occasion, V tried to talk me out of it.
“Whenever you get in the bath with them it takes twice as long to get them out.” She pleaded.
“Not this evening, I’m exhausted… I just want to get them into bed.” She begged me.
I ignored her and began to strip.
“Yeah daddy! Come in the bath with us daddy!” they screamed
As I lowered myself into the slightly oily (moisturising bubble bath) water, I allowed myself to slide forward thereby pushing the boys with my feet to the tap end. Kourosh began to push back and Siavash shouted to V that daddy was thqueething him – he has the funniest lisp of all time.
“Honey, sit up and let them have more space.” Asked V.
So I did.
And as I leaned to my left to grab a towel, I felt a warm sensation in the centre of my chest. It felt pleasant. I looked back to find Kourosh standing upright a foot away from me and calmly peeing onto my chest.
You have never seen anyone scramble out of bathtub so fast. Half the water came out with me. V and the boys were howling behind me as I ran to the shower room to wash myself down. All the time trying to convince myself that pee from a three and a half year old was OK.
Varinder and I take turns with their bed time reading. But before the first book is even finished, they are both out for the count – until the following morning when they hear my in-box coming to life.
Siamack Salari is CEO of Everyday Lives, recording human behavior for commercial marketing.
Subscribe to The Iranian newsletter
Sign up for our daily newsletter to get the top news stories delivered to your inbox.