There have been a lot of discussions in recent years about Iranians abroad visiting their homeland. This prompted me to put down a few possible reasons that entice some expatriates to take such trips despite the risks and conditions in Iran. Here are a few thoughts and you might want to add yours to the list at no charge:
* To find out if there any small apartments available in northern part of Tehran that would be a good investment, so as soon as the regime changes they flip it and pocket the money.
* To search, find and marry a zero-mile-virgin (dokhtareh sefre kilometer) and bring her to USA to do house chores and be a sex slave, not knowing that not only her odometer has been replaced but her gearbox leaks and she will not cook or search for a job but instead she will run a marathon watching Persian language cable TV while longing for divorce from the mucho onion-eating hairy husband who is proud to be a member of the “bald is beautiful club.” For her the imminent divorce is the last and final hurdle to eternal freedom and moving to Los Angeles Shangri-La as part of her “manifest destiny.”
* To take suitcases full of cosmetics to be sold in Iran with the excuse that they are going to go and visit ailing parents or relatives.
* To prove that they can survive by taking no adversary position against the Islamic monarchy and therefore it is their inalienable right to go back to homeland and take advantage of readily available drugs and desperate women and children selling sex to survive the hardship of life in Iran. These groups come back with such vivid memories telling everyone how much fun they had visiting Iran.
With the exception of those who do not give a shit about what goes on in Iran and call themselves 'apolitical' others will be taking substantial risk visiting Iran. You must have heard how Ms. Esfandiari of Woodrow Wilson International Center was recently arrested in Iran on charges of trying to topple the regime. Some believe she was arrested because she was carrying and trying to take too much saffron out of Iran, but I disagree with that assumption.
I suspect that the main issue with Mrs. Esfadiari is that being a politically active “American”, she failed to contact the British Embassy in Washington, D.C. to ask for their permission to go to Iran. Trust me if you are on the British list of anti IRI they will pass your name to the Iranian regime unless you have signed and declared your allegiance to the British, or how else can they assure the survival of the Islamic rule in Iran? Given all possible scenarios I have a hunch that Mrs. Esfandiari is a great catch for the British to once again remind American government to “stay out of Iran.” However before I lose your focus let me remind you that the world of political conspiracies is not easily predictable so please read on.
While fully supporting the Islamic regime, the essence of British plan-B regarding the future of politics in Iran is to create a Benazir Bhoutto for the next round of fooling a nation which in Persian-French is called 'mustmaleezation' and in Persian-English it's referred to as 'yogurtification.' Loosely defined, mustmaleezation is when you take a fragile secular nation and fuck its economy, destroy its values and push them back by a century or two by introducing a backward concept of religion and promoting drug addiction and prostitution. Then wait 30 years or more and shift to plan B.
Not only the British are instigating our minorities against each other; they are now clearly encouraging our women against our men. I can see a day that even our beloved Persian cats start filing their grievances against us at the United Nation and Humane Society and the world will look down at us for not recognizing the rights of our pussycats, yet they screw us on every chance they get to get the crude oil out for cheap.
So, to prevent an all out implosion in Iran the most likely panacea would be a woman president in Iran similar to Pakistan's Benazir Bhoutto that you might recall used to wear her scarf halfway and anger the Muslim extremists in Pakistan. That's the future that I see for Iran. You see, we have no individual role models left that the majority of nation would look up at he or she and that is exactly what the Russo-British have always been trying to accomplish in third world countries.
When there is no cultural cohesion then heroes pop up like a jack in the box and case in point the sudden nomination of Shirin joon and granting her a Nobel Prize a few years ago. Let me tell you something, if the idea behind winning a Nobel Prize is to put it on the mantelpiece to be looked at then you might as well get a vibrator instead that has some utility. Her best accomplishment so far was to not wear Islamic covers when touring Europe and North America while bad mouthing the US government and advocating reconciliation with the Islamic Regime.
While I see a very little chance for Mrs. Esfandiari to be nominated for Nobel Prize for Peace for 2008 (sorry that one is already bookmarked for coalition forces in Iraq), but I can see her winning Time's Woman of the Year and perhaps running for the office of Benazir Bhoutto in Iran someday. You see by then she will be well-known, she has done her jail time, has been a victim of a “former regime” and anything that takes for a typical president in a third world country.
Don't take me wrong, I hope she will return to US safely and most probably in exchange for the Iranian “diplomats” held in Iraq, but it all depends on how much dirt the British have dug on her and reported to IRI. One of the obligations of any corrupt and sold out regime is to cooperate with its masters to nominate some dissidents for future. Take Shah whom under pressure from the British embassy let Khomeini out of his fingers in early 60's perhaps thinking “a lice-ridden akhound can never be my replacement.”
And don't be surprised that the current mullahs in Iran do not see in their wildest dream that a belly dancer might become the next president of Iran should they not comply with compulsory oil contracts placed in front of them by the Anglo-Russian sponsors. If Shah had signed the renewal of the contracts with the British his family would still be in Iran safe and sound. One should not “bite the hand that feeds him.” His miscalculations prompted the British for their Plan B and Khomeini appeared in the moon within two years! Lord is my witness. That is of course the British “Lord.”
Given the above scenarios, based on those who believe in “parliamentary monarchy” if a coup d'etat takes place a few years from now in Iran, Reza Pahlavi will return to Iran to be a figurehead promising not to interfere in politics and he will only function as a constitutionally appointed breeding machine guaranteeing enough male offspring to assure the Iranians nation that they will have a king and plenty of back up. I know what you are thinking “why not me, why not me?” You horny Iranian!
Most importantly thanks to the genetic engineering we can clone Reza Pahlavi and forever we can have him and his clones be our kings, or we can send each clone to a different regions of Iran so that they all have their own king following the famous British legend of King Arthur “all for one and one for all.”
After such coup the military tribunal in charge of the interim government will nominate the following people as the official presidential candidates:
Diva of the Iranian music Googoush Noble Prize winner Shirin joon Former Miss Iraq finalist Maryam Rajavi Former dissident and political prisoner Mrs. Esfandiari
You can see that there will be representation from all walks of life to participate in the British Plan B.