As an Iranian girl, it is so hard not to get obsessed with getting married. There is so much pressure from our families and from society but it also seems like a lot of it is internal. I want to get married, I want to share my life with someone, I want to have children – but before I can do that successfully, I need to learn how to love myself. I feel like I need to stop being in relationships until I can make myself happy, until I can honor and cherish and have and hold myself – in sickness and in health. But with every failed relationship, you can’t help but ask yourself – what am I doing wrong? Why can’t I make these things work?
I think a lot of girls feel this way, we go out with a guy and the first thoughts that run through our heads are – could this be THE ONE?, does he like ME?, if we get married things will be like this or that…We start analyzing everything from the point of view of marriage. It is hard not to when your biological clock is ticking and your father is constantly stating that 1) you are getting old and an Iranian guy won’t want you after you pass a “certain age” 2) he is going to die before you have children.
I have a Mexican guy friend who told me that he loves Mexican girls but that he won’t go out with them anymore. He said that Mexican girls his age are in such a rush – they just want to know the essential stats – what do you do? how much money do you make? what are your plans for the future? are you ready to get married? He said that makes him feel like a piece of meat – that the girl would marry anyone that fits into her plans, and it doesn’t necessarily have to be him. I think it is a horrible way to make a man feel – that who he is as a person isn’t really as important as whether or not he fits into your timeline and life plan. I believe the only way to overcome that is to not have a timeline and for your life plan to be more concerned with building yourself than getting someone else to make you happy.
Having coming to these conclusions, I’ve decided – instead of obsessing about getting married, I’m just going to marry myself. I am going to make myself happy, take care of myself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I think that only then, when I am at peace with who I am, the right man will show up. I can not attract the right man until I am the right woman.
