In light of president Ahmadinejad’s statement that we do not have homosexuals in Iran, I would like to personally apologize to all those that I accused of being gay including:
– The next door neighbor’s son, Majid, who was caught masturbating while rolling on the poster of George Michael
– My aunt’s husband Javad who was caught by my aunt, having sex with Baba Mamad the housekeeper
– The math teacher, Mr. Habib, who cornered my brother in the bathroom at school and asked my brother if he wanted to see his jojol-talla
– Soli the hairdresser who loved chasing boys in the parking lot behind his shop
– And especially, all Iranian LA singers that I mistakenly assumed were gay.
I’m sorry.
