Somebody, please adopt me…

I am a citizen of two countries. Or is it “I am citizens of two countries?” Never the less, in one hand I hold the passport of United States of America, in another Islamic Republic of Iran. Well, they’re not in my hands actually; they’re in a file cabinet.

I have two countries, two citizenships, and yessssss, two leaders. Holly shit I have two leaders. One says, in a public forum, in front of faculty and students of one of the most prestigious universities in the US, if not the world, “we don’t have homosexuality in Iran like you do here in America”. Did he not sit next to anyone peculiar in the bus in Iran? Was there no one in his school with extra wrist and hand motions while talking?

According to Mahmood joon, we’re a country filled with “macho” men, where no man has ever thought about the touch of another man. He went on saying that women are respected and loved beyond our imagination in America, where the question was about women rights in Iran and not the level of respect.

Hold on George, I’m getting to you in a minute. Ahmadinejad defended the rights of Palestanians and the atrocities against them in the past 60 years and Iran’s right to have nuclear energy. Neither, which I disagree with, totally not to mention how difficult it is not to disagree with him.

My other choice is US and it’s highly intelligent president, George W. He’s the one that just the other day said, “Nelson Mandela is dead”. He also said in the same speech that the Iraqi people asked our help for democracy and freedom. They did? Maybe your Arabic translator didn’t get the message across correctly; in fact there was no message.

Who writes the speeches for these brilliant men of history? †How can they come to the podium, rehearsed or unrehearsed, and say the crap they do?

Stuck between the two highly intelligent and brilliant speeches in the past few days from both of my “presidents”, I couldn’t help but thinking am I stupid? Are they stupid or do they think that we are all stupid?

The answer was none of the above. I know I’m not stupid, jury still out on Mahmood and W, dumb and dumber, and I’m sure they don’t think we’re all dumb. What the hell is it then?

Why are they saying what they are saying? Country of 70million, 85% educated, according to National Geographic research, Iran has no one checking this guy’s speech? No one tells him, hey “yaboo” you can’t get up on the world stage and say that the Holocaust did not happen. You cannot claim that homosexuality does not exist in Iran.

And, Georgie babe, don’t go claiming that people like Nelson Mandela are dead. Axis of Evil means an alliance of two or more nations to coordinate their foreign and military policies. It is not the pleural form of an ax as in a tool to cut a tree.

So people, countries of the world, could I please have a different nationality? May I please have a third passport so I won’t be embarrassed by what my countries are doing and what my leaders are saying?

Maybe Tibet, they’re not in the news. Perhaps Egypt, so when I show my passport or tell people where I’m from, they’ll ahh and ooohhhh and relate me to the Pyramids or the Nile instead of terrorism and bullism. Any takers?

I don’t know what to do. All I know is that I don’t want to listen to the news any more, not even NPR. I’m tired of the smell of bull shit that surrounds me wrapped in politics. I don’t understand this big game they’re playing, and sure don’t know how it’s played. All I know is that I bet on it and I’m losing.

It’s as if someone sits up there and tells leaders to say specific things to piss the other nation(s) off and tells this other guy to add more flame to the fire by dishing out lies and crap. It seems all surreal.

Maybe Norway, now that’s a quite country and no one gives her citizens a look at any airport.

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