Nov. 7, 2007 – Albany, CA (somewhere right around that good hendi restaurant) Jahanshah Javid the editor of Iranian.com and a decorated veteran who suffered minor wounds near the groin, during the free speech wars of 2007, came out in favor of free unfettered (if mild profanity peppered) speech today, announcing that effective immediately, all Iranians were required to not be afraid any more. Javid further iterated, “All Iranians are expected (but not required) to eliminate FEAR from their daily lives and speak out with firm conviction on any number of optional topics including: Politics, Religion, Alternative Lifestyles, Career Choices, Buying non-German Cars, Generic Label or Knock-Off Clothes, Jewelry, and Perfume, Baseball, Pornography: helpful or harmful?, and their Real Incomes.”
No mention was made about eliminating the other ill, namely LYING, from the Iranian community. Javid added, “Baba jan, this is good enough digeh! As a first step, come on it’s Love:40, Serve!”, but that he expected future announcements would address many other issues that plague Iranians as appropriate. Such as arriving late to parties, films, and concerts, as well as the lengthy time it takes for Iranian guests to say goodbye and actually leave your home!
Long time whiner, and Javid consiglieri, Bruce Bahmani responded to the announcement with another long winded piece about Pakestan’s problems, and said “My first inclination on this news was to immediately threaten to stop writing, then after I walked around it for a couple of days, decided it was my national duty as an Iranian to come back and post something thoughtful about Angelina Jolie.”
No date was given for any future announcements but Javid suggested, “Look for something good around April 1st, or Nowrouz, I mean Nouroughse, I mean noruse, AAaaahhh!”
This is an unauthorized official release, any resemblance to a real official release is purely unofficial, but intentional. License, tax, insurance, and batteries while often required, are for some reason never included. Send comments to: email@example.com