Thanks to all those who contributed.
You KNOW you ARE Iranian when…
Your refer to your dad’s friends as Uncle…
You have an endless supply of pistachios, dates,and pumpkinseeds…
After a family meal, the women fight to the death
over who should wash the dishes while the men sit on
their behinds and discuss politics, waiting for
their tea…
You use your forehead and eyebrows to point
something out…
Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call
you to dinner even if you’re in the next room….
You have at least thirty cousins. …
You arrive one or two hours late to a party and
think it’s normal.
You are standing next to the largest suitcases at
the Airport.
You talk for an hour at the front door when
leaving someone’s house….
You say bye 17 times on the phone. …
Your parents don’t realize phone connections to
foreign countries have improved in the last two
decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs.
Your mother does everything for you if you are
male
You do all the housework and cooking if you are
female…
You still came back home to live with your
parents after you graduate…
Your parents curse out Khomeini , for making you move to US, every time you get into trouble at school. Your American friends are baffled why you have a “plant-waterer” in the bathroom, when you don’t have any plants in the house. Your parents are always asking you to go and help with translation ( cheating!), in your relative’s driving test. You can never get a straight recipe` for anything. Measurements are always” a little zarchoobeh”,or “ enghadeh rob” or “yeh havaa namak”. Nothing can be susbtitued for a good “sangeh-paa”. Your relatives are always bringing you low-quality junk (belt, frames, shirts,…) from Iran, and expect to see you using them next year when they see you again. Everyone is an expert on “Immigration laws”. The older they are, the greater of a superpower the British still are. The very first thing they want to know about your new American friend, is what his father does for a living.
“You cannot talk without moving your hands. And it’s perfectly normal to slap yourself when you say “vaaaaaaaaaaaay khoda”
You wear high heels to Persian events, even if the event happens to be in the snow, park, race tracks, mud, rain…etc. Every event is a chance to find Mr. Shuvar.
You cannot have a “mehmooni” without dancing. Even at a bbq, at some point someone puts on “anar anar” and says woooooooooo and gets at least one other person to dance. This concept is totally foreign to westerners. Each “tavalod”, “shabe eyd”, heck sometimes “shabe azaa”…WE MUST DANCE. This bootey can’t sit still when a “tombak” sound comes around.”
-n.zanincanadai
” You are chilling with your American friend in his house when suddenly your American friend’s mom brings you the phone telling you she can’t understand a word your grandmother is saying.
You put away your persian rugs (new and old) in closets.
You bend the back of your shoe and use it like a slipper.
If you are a girl you highlight your hair (differently than “normal” highlights).
If you are a boy you grease your hair.”
-Anonymouse
“Your parents find you “the perfect mate”(or so they claim),
insist on you “taa tanoor daagheh, khameer ro bechasboon”
marry you off,
then later meddle in your marriage and do not get along with your mate,
insist on you divorcing them,…
till you get a divorce,
and after all is done,
deny their role in any of this:” vaalaah maa keh aslan dekhaalatee nadaashteem too iin jaryaan…”!”
-Ali P.
“You think your unibrow is sexy!”
-Reza P.
“Your American date, to the ‘mehmooni’ , is amazed to know that “dinner is being served”…at midnight!”
-Asghar H.
“You sign up in the Salsa class, but you have no interest in actually learning Salsa!”
– IRANdokht
“You can’t wait for the tempo of the music to pick up, so you can start to ‘beshkan’ and clap and ‘gher’, even if it is classical music in a ballroom…”
-abbasali
“You do not allow your guests to leave ANYTHING behind in their plates. “Taarof nakon toro khoda! Bokhor! Bokhor! Be khoda narahat misham ageh nakhori!””
-mehdi
“If you long for a green card ,but hate US!!!!!
If the first question from anybody about your children is: Farsi keh baladeh!!!
-If you had a mustashe as a child ,and you are female!!!!”
-Tahirih
“You are Iranian and therefore a poet. Because you cannot talk straight.”
-JJ
“Say what?? JJ?”
-Honest Hassan 🙂
From the future book, The joys and miseries of being Iranian, by Honest Hassan
(What else can you add to this list?)
