How to treat your grandparents so they never come back to visit you in America…
1- Do not bother to get up when they enter the room.
2- Whatever they say, be against it.
3- Sink in the coach and keep your legs open.
4- Pretend you don’t understand Farsi.
5- Act repulsed when they want to kiss you.
6- Bring an uninvited rude redneck friend to the ‘mehmooni’.
7- Make fun of their first name.
8- Refuse to speak Persian.
9- Put your feet up on the table.
10- Yell at your parents in front of them.
11- Keep calling them when you know they are at their prayer.
12- Blow your nose as loud as you can.
13- Tell them they deserve the form of government they live under.
14- Scratch your crotch in front of them.
15- Remind them it is 2008 , and we are in America, every time they want to give you a piece of advice based on their experience.
16- Act frustrated when they want you to translate something.
17- Teach them the phrase “you are a doushbag”, and tell them it means “you are so kind”.
18- Buy them a cool computer software for their birthday.
19- Complain of the smell every time they leave the bathroom.
20- When you are really needed, disappear, and tell them you have things to do, it’s not Iran where people are “alaaf”.
21- Stare at their bald spots or scars on their head.
22- Ignore the ‘mehmoonee’ and the guests; turn the TV on for the football game and cheer for your team loudly.
23- Give the presents they brought you, back : You don’t use these junks in America.
24- Ask them about their sex life.
25- Take them for a drive on an empty gas, and when they offer to pay for the gas, let them.
26- Make out with your girlfriend/boyfriend, in front of them.
27- Refuse to eat the weird stuff they cook. Just come home with a McDonald’s burger.
28- Hide the ‘aaftaabeh’ before they go in.
29- Defend the Iranian government.
