It’s caught on. Everybody’s doing it. uranium.com now has an Advice to the Lovelorn section. Kobra Khaanoom is our Dear Abby. I do not know Kobra Khaanoom. I understand she was here before me. I have a feeling I will get to know her well. Souri is starting to become our Ann Landers. I know Souri. Souri rules. She is smarter than all of us put together. She will make an excellent Ann Landers. Naturally the Mrs. hops on board to offer nurturing advice. Rosie always feels very nurtured by the Mrs.
But I have a somewhat different spin on some things about relationships from Kobra Khaanom and Souri and the Mrs. Perhaps it is because I am khareji. Perhaps it is because I am Rosie. Who can say for sure? Anyhow, here are some of my thoughts on relationships:
Try not to have thoughts about relationships. I will also try not to. Try not to talk about them either. Talk less, kiss more. If you feel your heart is closed, practice yoga. Tantric yoga is recommended for couples. If you are politically minded, by all means, organize a march on Weshington together. You’ll have so much fun. But never forget the cardinal rule: Try not to think or talk about relationships.
There is one special case where I need to talk right now about relationships. It is for psychologically abusive alpha males who are trying to get their girlfriends back. Stop trying to get your girlfriend back immediately. Tell your girlfriend this: “I completely understand why you left me. It is because I am poison. And I love and respect you far too much to continue to expose you to me. I am going to start practicing sitting alone quietly in my room, and inflict myself on me instead of on you. I will not stop until I am completely purified. This may take a very very long time. Don’t call me. I’ll call you. And I don’t expect you to wait for me either. But whether you do or not, I will wait for you until my dying breath.”
You’ll be surprised how fast she comes back.
And I do have one theory. It is called heterosexual gender reversal. Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. We all know this. I don’t believe it. I believe we are all from Earth. So here’s my theory: There comes a time in many a hetero’s life when a man sometimes wants to surrender and be penetrated like a woman and a woman sometimes wants to dominate and penetrate like a man, while still remaining heterosexual. It may be because of hormonal change as we age, and I think it is good.. Yep, Mom, you got it, that’s exactly what I meant, and please don’t tell me about your sixteen year old son again. Just because he uses this website as his home page doesn’t mean that I am Bambi. And I don’t want to argue about what is “normal” either. I believe the word “normal” is abnormal.
I highly recommend hetero gender reversal for the above-mentioned psychologically abusive alpha males. And these at any age, any time. All of them. All the time. Across the board.
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ROSIE BELIEVES THAT URANIUM.COM SHOULD DOUBLE AS A PERSONALS SITE. Jahanshah and Foaad (aka Admin) can figure out how to use some of the white space on the home page to realize this my dream This part of the site should be called uraniumpersonals.com. If you think about it, it is an excellent idea. After all, Kobra and Souri can only go just so far.
And who knows, maybe some of us who are single (or those of us who are not and seek that special “discreet” relationship, such as the blogger gentleman who complains that he is sick of his wife’s vagina) may even find our “ideal match”. After all, we’re starting on good footing. To begin with, we already know each other, and we all have something in common. That something being this website.. I am currently working on my own personals ad. I know, I know, you just can’t wait. Especially the Mrs. Here is a sneak preview: After four years of hard-won experience, I wouldn’t go out with another Persian man to save my life.
But I just might go out with one to GIVE my life, if that “right guy” just happened to come along, and worked veeery hard to persuade me.
(to be continued. I know, I know, you just can’t wait…)
