I went to the mall the other day, with the intention of buying shoes of course, and I saw a very bored security guard. As I don’t like to see anyone suffer from anything, I went over and I said:
– Hey man, where’s my second wind.
He looked at me, a bit amused and smiled. He told me he wasn’t sure he could help me. But I persisted. I asked him:
– Hey man, just show me how to catch my second wind.
He laughed and said:
– Ma’am, I ain’t got no clue what choo talkin’ about.
I felt insulted.
I mean, here I am, taking time off from MY errands. I’m trying hard to get this guy to loosen up and to be the one person who’ll give him a break and he’s being very uncooperative!
I wasn’t sure what to do. So I decided, ta seh nasheh bazi nasheh!
– Hey man, come on! Just show me how to catch my second wind!
At this point, he just looked into my eyes and sighed. His look was very intense. It actually made me blush. Very calmly, he said:
– Well, I saw it pass by a minute ago. I guess you’re late. Oh well! Maybe next time.
– What? You saw my second wind pass by and you did nothing?
– That’s right? It ain’t my problem. No one ever talks to me. What’s with you?
– You look erinacceous.
– Go get cho self a finnimbrun or somethin…
– You think I’m all about floccinaucinihilipilification?
– Well, I can admit I’m a nihilarian. Why can’t choo admit this is all inaniloquent BS?
– Hey man, I was just trying to cheer you up and catch my second wind. But if you insist on being a bore, so be it! See ya!
I walked away but I swear, something inside me has died and I don’t know how to fake it.
