With the recession eating into life savings of many, Wall Street is diligently at work to restructure and gain some of its dignity back. In this pursuit, here are some of the new terminologies will be used…………. Have Fun
CEO = Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO = Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET = A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET = A 6- to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING = The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO = The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER = What my financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR = Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST = The idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT = When your ex -wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION = The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW = The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO = What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS = What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR = Past-year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT = an archaic word no longer in use.
If you had purchased $1,000 worth of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 worth of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 worth of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.
But — if you purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you would have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.
It’s called the 401-Keg.
