One day, I hope, after they are done enriching uranium, shooting satellites into orbit, testing missiles, and winning international prizes for their inventions, Iranian scientists will spend some time on improving the technology of Iranian toilettes. Forget about politics! Forget about the flags! Forget about a regime change! First solve our 2,500-, 3,000-, or 7,000-year old problem (depending on who’s talking). I hope to see the stinky, cockroach infested, wet and slimy holes in the wall that make up the Iranian toilette to become a better part of any house, worthy of keeping indoors.
How come the UAE folks who also use water to rinse their privates after using a toilette have already figured out how not to have wet floors and smelly bathrooms? I know it can be done and it should. All it takes is for Iranians to wake up and smell the toilette (what would be a good Persian name for the “john?”). I am sure this can be achieved with the will and genius of Iranians. Why hasn’t this problem been solved yet? I should think it has something to do with dictatorships, but I can’t quite articulate that point at this time.
One day I hope to see the driving situation in Iran fixed. Iranians need to re-learn how to drive. This is ludicrous! This must be stopped! Driving between lines, observing the signs and speed limits, and refraining from constantly honking (except when protesting, which is O.K.) should be the new order in Iran. Iranians need to learn how to drive.
One day I hope to see national productivity increased in Iran. A few years ago I read somewhere that each Iranian produces about 17 minutes of work per day. I don’t know if this is still true, but judging from my observations during visits to Iranian government offices, I would venture to say it’s not too far off the mark. I hope one day soon Iranians produce more on their fields, in their labs, and behind their desks.
Now, let me tell you what I think will happen if my three hopes are realized:
1. Iranian toilettes: A nation that spends time and energy fixing its own stinky local and national problems (and this is a very stinky national problem) will be a useful nation. Becoming useful is something we all need to do for a better Iran.
2. Iranian driving: Let’s face it, when people drive like lunatics, not only do they endanger the lives and property of themselves and others, they also perpetuate a concept I developed while living in Iran: “Behind the wheel of every Peykan lives a little dictator.” Hey, where do you think Iran’s dictators come from, Mars? No, they are all Peykan driving Iranians who just step out of that Peykan one day and step into a bullet proof Mercedes and behind that podium (or manbar). That’s all. Safe and sane driving may have a lot to do with instilling democracy in Iran through learning to respect other people’s rights.
3. Iranian productivity: A nation that feels ownership of its resources and feels responsible for contributing to its productivity develops good work ethics. A nation that has good work ethics becomes interested in higher standards of productivity through teamwork. Together, members of this nation will become patriots who are interested in the betterment of their country, something that can be achieved with good planning and dedicated work.
I believe with these three simple steps, Iranians can have what it takes to have democracy. This is what I hope for Iran.
Photo shows artwork by Behdad Lahoti, entitled “A cliche or mass media: in the name of freedom.” I picked it up from .
