A few nights ago, on CNN, which now stands for Comedy News Network, mahmoud (Ahmadinejad is longer to type and I refuse to acknowledge him as President, I won’t even capitalize his first name) unfortunately for the world, scored a hat trick, having previously outwitted the do-no-wrong stud-wonder, Anderson Cooper, and now Larry King, twice. So much for royalty.
Not only did mahmoud out argue Larry, he dismantled every ounce of him and sent his suspender-clips off to be recycled, like an old chevy.
Every question that mahmoud was asked, began with the usual lunatic ramblings of, “Allow me to answer your question with a question…”, tactic that has by now become so transparent, I am stunned that it still fools these firmly moronic hosts, disguised and advertised as leading journalists of our time.
When asked about the crackdown on the post-election protests, he sounded like Obama, deferring to the police and judges as responsible and accountable to Iran’s laws. “A task force is looking into any wrong-doing and those who violated the law will be brought to justice. Ain’t Islam cool!” (OK that part I am paraphrasing, but look it up and tell me Khamenei’s Pinochio doesn’t sound like he would say that, if he was a real boy)
When asked about Neda, he expressed the politician’s usual friend, the word “regrettable”. He then showed a truly holographic level of schizo-paranoia, when he began to wonderfully ramble about his new conspiracy theory, all but accusing the camera that captured Neda’s death as the accomplice on the hill. He then beautifully followed his hallucination through to the end with a “…and the same thing happened to Chavez during his election!”
Ah! There is a god after all! And she can be a glorious bitch!
When asked the standard holocaust question, mahmoud deftly responded with his standard Europe-on-Europe answer, “But what did the Palestinians have to do with it?”, which was interesting the first few hundred times, but now rings of wimpy weanie-ness rather than defend a largely indefensibly obvious argument. Namely, that the Palestinians are being victimized by Israel.
Duh! Boring! Not for the Israelis or Palestinians mind you, just the rest of the entire whole world.
Side bar to Israel and Palestine:
Big Deal! If you can’t find a way to play nice with each other by now, and would rather destroy yourselves, good! Go for it and put us all out of your misery! We are tired of you playing on our emotions. Get over yourselves already. You know you need each other, just like California needs Mexico!
Plus, there’s far worse happening in Africa! World hunger is today’s proven holocaust.
Countless conferences negotiating worthless Israeli (formerly Palestinian) land for even more useless peace chatter between Israel and Palestine, two countries that at the end of the day really do not amount to much, but seem only happiest when dominating the world’s attention. No oil, no contribution, nothing but phlegm. (credit: Omid Djalili)
Back to the Larry and moo-moo (Persian Trans. “Arr-Arr”) comedy hour…
Larry then tried to persuade mahmoud to accept the Himmler-autographed paperwork gleefully wagged at the podium by Netanyahu the day before, as proof Auschwitz existed. mahmoud’s eyes smiled that non-smile he smiles, whenever he thinks he looks cooler than you. Unfortunately, it is that same look of intelligence you see in zoos when you visit the chimp section and watch them interact for a long time. Even when your wife wants to leave. “Look honey, watch his eyes, he looks like he’s really thinking! Just like a human being!”
The answer mahmoud always gives, is that 60 million people died in WWII, so why all the fuss over 6 million? And why do they dominate the conversation and world politics today? Why are the jews more important than the other 54 million?
Side Bar to mahmoud:
The reason why the extermination of the jews is so important is precisely because of the method and factorization of the process. Yes, more people died in WWII, but none of them were exterminated with such calculated inhuman viciousness as the jews. None with verminization tattoo-branded onto their forearms like diseased cattle.
This, you piece of shit, is the point! This is why the holocaust is more important than the total collateral deaths of WWII combined. The world has confirmed and condemned this horrific act of inhumanity, and like it or not, believe it or not, Iran was then, and is too now, a part of this world. As much as you are doing personally to remove Iran from a set standard of humanity, you and every Iranian are still part of greater civilization. And as a humanity, we cannot ever allow the holocaust to be forgotten nor forgiven. Such a great crime that it was and still is. Nothing in history has come close to the cruelty of this act. Not even you. And we know you are trying your best. You’re just not that good.
Meanwhile back on the ranch…
mahmoud continued with his pitch, that if the jews were exterminated by Germans, why move them to Palestine? Had Larry let him, or if Larry wasn’t busy playing the stereotypical “money-making jew”, by breaking away every 10 minutes for unusually frequent ad sales, mahmoud would have gone on like he always does, to suggest that Poland was the more likely country to put the jews in, than Palestine.
Another side bar to mahmoud:
Listen up nutsack! The reason the jews get to live in Palestine, is that just like the Palestinians, this region of the world, is their most natural historically relevant homeland. Look it up. It requires you acknowledge history, which I know you question because saying that deflects from you having to actually read. But go ahead, crack a book other than that irrelevant ghoran you occasionally flip through when you think Khamenei is looking, just to go over the parts that vaguely describe the coming of the mahdi, for the thousandth time.
back to the show…
As the show ended Larry switched his subtly different look of loser to begrudging tie, and reached over and shook mahmoud’s blood-stained hand.
Not once was the fact that this chauffeur is not the leader of Iran, come up.
Not once did it cross the pin-headed minds of even the gaffer of CNN, to crack open Iran’s constitution and read it before miking the monkey.
Not once has an “American journalist” (very very very loosely quoted), never mind our own “Queen of the Quixotic Quip” Amanpour, had the temerity to ask, “What are you doing here? You’re not Iran’s leader! ARE YOU!”
As I do inevitably every time I press the “On” button of the TV remote, I pressed the “Off” button. But this time I threw the remote at the TV in dusgust shattering the screen. OK, I dropped it harmlessly on the couch. But in my mind there were glass shards everywhere on the floor.
To forget this incendiary incident, I decided I had to get out of the house and went to a movie. Wake up call, both the Mahdi and Jesus are the same, and they are here on earth, now, as we speak. And they are Bruno.