Hajiagha finds a girl-friend (Episode 5)

Photo caption: Tehran, political debate.

(((three parentheses means that person is thinking to self)))

Hajiagha and Roya are getting ready to go to a party

R: What are you going to wear tonight?

H: The usual.  Shirts, pants

R: Are you going to take a shower and get ready?

H: Yes let me finish watching Weekend in Vancouver and then I’ll go

R: I don’t know why you watch that show. I don’t see any weekend or Vancouver in you

H: I watch it for Canada bashing ideas 

R: Hurry up anyway.  Tezol!

H: Okay okay.

Haji takes his shower and comes out

R: What the hell? What’s all this steam? How can I use it now?

H: What’s wrong with my shower taking?

R: Nothing baba, nothing!

Haji is dressed and has been waiting in the living room for the past hour

H: WHAT TIME ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE?

R: 7

H: IT’S LIKE 6:45 AND ABOUT 45 MINUTES TO GET THERE

R: WHY 45 MINUTES?

H: THEY LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE

(((I’m dying over here)))

R: WHATEVER

(((which earrings look better?)))

It’s 7:30

H: ROYA!

R: HONNAGH!

H: Finally. Is this it?

R: When they say 7, you leave start at 7:30, give or take an hour.  Who comes at 7?

H: Is this college math?

R: Yes I have grade 12 education. You?

It’s 8:40 and they arrive at the party

R: saaalaaaam. 

Mooch muah mooch muah

– Mooch muah mooch muah– Bah bah hi Hajiagha

H: Hi hello, hello, hello, hov-r-u, hov-r-u

– Come here Haji. Roya khanoom we’re stealing your Haji 

– Haji it’s self-service. What do you want? beer, Vodka, Whiskey, wine

H: I’ll have a beer

– What does Roya want?

H: She doesn’t drink

R: HAJI GET ME A WINE

– hehehe Haji looks like Mrs wants a wine.  Here, take it to her

R: Thanks Haji.  So Mahtab joon what’s going on?

– you look so pretty tonight

– Roya joon …

– joonam …

– …

About an hour later

­R: Yes I’m thinking of going to college

– Sounds good. What are you going to study?

Yelling is heard from afar

R: I want to … what’s all that yelling?

– Roya joon they’re talking politics, leave them alone!

– 

– ISLAMO FACISIM!

– IRAN IS THE BEST!

– ARABIZATION OF IRAN!

– DIRT ON OUR HEADS!

– HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS!

– GAY RIGHTS!

– DEATH TO DICTATOR!

– SUCKS TO CANADA!

– ARAB LOVER!

– CHILDREN YOUNG AS 10 SELLING HASHISH!

– QUIET BABA!

– ISRAEL!

– IRI!

– AIPAC!

– PISS ON ISLAM!

– SUCKS TO CANADA!

– WOMEN’S RIGHTS!

– SEX TOYS!

– INFLATION!

– SLAVERY IN CANADA!

– ANTARINEJAD!

– MR. PRESIDENT !

R: Sounds like serious

– Leave them alone.  Let them break each other’s head

– Don’t they get tired?

R: Yeah leave them alone. So what where we saying?

– CHILDREN YOUNG AS 8!

– YOU USE CANADA’S FREEDOM AND NAG

– HAH! BRITISH COLONY

– ROYA KHANOOM COME AND GET HIM!  

­R: Are they calling me?

– Leave them alone

R: Okay

– Roya khanoom would you please come with me please, we’re having problems

R: Okay so what’s going on?

Roya and host walk over to men’s discussion

Roya khanoom Haji is causing problems

R: What’s going on?

H: CHILDREN YOUNG AS 12 SELLING HASHISH …

– QUIET! HIISST!

See Roya khanoom, he keeps yelling children as young as 10 are selling hashish and neighbors think we’re selling drugs here

H: Children young as 12, not 10, sometimes 8, you’re smoking it

– It’s not hashish

– Roya khanoom for god sake can you take him inside?

R: Come here Haji.  Come with me

H: Okay let’s go I don’t like staying

R: Haji can’t you zip it for one night?

H: I told you I don’t like them cause they smoke hashish

R: Hashish chiyeh? It’s alaf

R: Okay we’re back. I brought this one with me!

– hehehe Hajiagha was Amir there?

H: Who is Amir?

– Max

H: I don’t know any Max

R: So …

They eat their dinner and are on their way back in the car

R: You almost ruined tonight

H: I don’t like them potheads

R: So don’t smoke, come stay with me

H: But I don’t want to be with women’s group

R: Women and men nadare

H: Yes dare

R: Well you can’t stay with men either

H: At least they won’t call me a feminist if I become the only men in women’s group

R: Feminist?  Haji you just know how to push the wrong buttons

H: If we were in Iran we wouldn’t have these problems

R: I don’t like them smoking either but maybe you can smoke one just so you can forget about CANADA oh CANADA!

H: Alaf doesn’t do it for me, I need something stronger

R: I bet!

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