by Setareh (QoDs)
This thesis (“I am sorry is sucks” [HD]) is submitted in fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of “great 12” [HD] in roshan-fekree [HK4]. Setareh (QoDs) would like to thank everyone on i.com who has supported her to this point, particularly her supervisor, Anonymouse. Setareh (QoDs)’s only sources are Anonymouse’s extensive efforts to introduce Hajiagha to the English-speaking world, namely:
Hajiagha’s Dictionary [HD]
Hajiagha goes to khastegaree [HK1-10]
Hajiagha finds a girlfriend [HG1-7]
Hajiagha is often misunderstood as sucking to Canada. However, Hajiagha has long sucked elsewhere: sucks to mullahs, sucks to British and BBC, and sucks to this society [HD]. A close reading of the recent HG series reveals how Hajiagha became “inverter to Canada” [HD], or at least stopped sucking there.
In HG1, Hajiagha found a girlfriend, Roya. In HG3, Roya expressed a desire for “American” food. Hajiagha agreed, “as long as it is not Canadian.” Although we do not know what Hajiagha and Roya ended up eating, they did inquire about the jerk chicken, which their waitress described as “a little sweet … .”
Commentator XPC has suggested that “American” food includes “maple syrup”. However, any self-respecting Canadian and even Wikipedia will tell you that “Quebec, Canada, [(incidentally, also home to many “Frenchaises” [HD])] produces most of the world’s supply of maple syrup. The United States is the only other major producer and the leading consumer.” My theory is that Hajiagha and Roya had the jerk chicken and the marinade contained maple syrup – Canadian maple syrup.
However, jerk chicken was not enough to stop Hajiagha’s jerky behavior. Only Roya could manage that. In HG4, Hajiagha was back to sucking to Canada and dreaming of babies. Roya told him, “Complain to Canada then and leave me alone!”
Commentator IRANdokht has suggested, “It doesn’t really sucks to Canada” because Canada provides child tax benefits. My theory is that Hajiagha agreed as soon as he realized that having babies would turn him from a “tax a year” [HD] into a “tax ben-e-fish hairy” [HD-new entry], having Roya could enable him to have babies, and not sucking to Canada could enable him to have Roya.
Therefore, in HG7, Hajiagha stopped sucking to Canada and started sucking to B&Bs, which enabled him to have Roya. Will they have babies and child tax benefits? Only time (~9 months) and Anonymouse will tell. Meanwhile, my theory is that Hajiagha has stopped sucking to Canada.
