The people who touch us leave in us more than we or they are aware of. Do you agree? My beloved Carl G. Jung wrote many years on these types of phenomena. But no matter how much I am trying to stick to my left-brain and CJ who is eternally stuck in there — right at this moment, I still catch myself very much into the right.
I am aware of sitting here on this soft green sofa in my office, messle borjeh zahr e maar, with my sweet dog snoring right by my left brown boot. I am thanking all the flu-stricken people who could have had me to themselves for part of today, but couldn’t. I feel outwardly focused on things that obviously matter, I am even convincing my colleagues that I am focused on many topics and issues.
But deep down I’m left with this “thing” that has been lingering for weeks. This “thing” that I can’t completely make sense of or put a name to. And it has different qualities than those other “things” that ever mattered which I finally made sense of. Left brain time, Jung says ” Enlightenment is not imagining figures of light but making the darkness conscious.” Okey Dokey CJ, but go away for now! Let me be. This is what borje zahre maar must feel like. I cannot imagine those who are constantly afflicted by this attitude. I have seen many solid borj e zahr e maars in my life-time; the earliest image is that of my dear maternal grandfather as a perpetual borj. Jung said (again) Shadows are the aspects of our self that we chose to disown. Ok really digeh dastam be daamanet CJ, velam kon!
On another level I know very well what it is. It’s the Loss thing. It’s always the loss thing. It’s always getting hit in the old wounds that triggers these sort of existential chaos. As someone commented (when “Catastrophe” hit iranian.com) – we Iranians have had loss for breakfast during the past 30 years – but I for one still can’t get used to it. Some one passes by or away, I immediately experience all the Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s stages in her seminal “Death and Dying”. Recently, I have paid attention to my denials of some of the things that were on their way to leaving me. Translation: I was in Denial!
Now I’m just downright angry. This is the proper direction on the stages of grief. Then comes the acceptance….Okhhh the darkness of that and this. CJ has many things to say about darkness. I’m taking him with me to the sun today.
I think my shepherd mutt is experiencing seizures in her sleep, not only dreams – one dominant symptom of aging.
I will miss her too. Dearly.
