While growing up as a kid and watching American movies, I was always fascinated by the fact Americans (at least on TV) prayed at the family’s table before each meal. At the low age I tried to encourage my silly family to do the same but to no success I was constantly ignored. I decided back then, if I get a family of my own, I will do that with them.
During the last 9 Thanksgiving dinners I’ve had amongst my American family, I not only enjoyed their warm reception but also the spirit of being thankful. Nevertheless, the last 10 months of struggle to keep my marriage together and going through all phase of grief on daily basis has left a big dent on that spirit.
For a man who had shaped himself around his family, losing them equates to a big identity loss. I saw going through divorce as diving into a deep see that you might not be able to ever make it out. My house is empty now, the furniture is gone, I am in debt up to my eyeballs and most importantly I have to witness the house that once was filled with voices and warmth and watch instead how old memories and spider webs grows from every corner of it.
I have nothing to be thankful about. I have planned to work the entire holiday at my cube at work and at least get some work done without constant interruption from other colleagues.
Until, it hit me. Thanksgiving is not about family gathering. It is not about the turkey, the bean casserole, the cranberry jelly and the turkey stuffing with gravy.
It is about five minutes of quiet time to think before to take a bite on my Subway sandwich in an empty house while being drowned into nothingness. I shall thank god for the feeling of warmth is being filled into my empty chest.
Happy Thanksgiving all!
