Prologue: The story you are about to read is told exclusively in a dialogue format, without narrative. It begins as five colleagues on a business trip are spending some time together at the free Happy Hour at the resort where they are staying over night.
Leo: Ali is an idiot. I don’t know how he became a Project Manager. Do you know what he did! We’re sitting in a meeting, right in the middle of the meeting he asks me to give him my notes so he can copy them. I tell him; Ali don’t worry about it. I’ll explain it to you later. So then after the meeting is over he wants to grab my notes. I tell him, Ali don’t worry about it, I’ll give it to you later. He says I missed what Tom said. Can I just copy it from your notes? I tell him, Ali don’t worry about it. I’ll explain the whole damn thing to you later.
Robert: I know, he is an idiot, but he is a nice guy and everything, but he gets on nerves.
Leo: I don’t know who promoted him. He is supposed to be the Project Manager and I’m supposed to be the senior. He is supposed to tell me what to do, and here I’m constantly telling him what’s going on.
Robert: He calls me every two, three days. Robert, can we get the project done on time? I tell him, yes Ali. We’ll get it done on time. He calls me again; same fucking question. So, I finally had it with him. He calls me, so I ask him; when is the deadline? He gives me something like six months from now. So I tell him, no! No way! There is no way we can meet the deadline. So then he is all panicking. I mean we have six months and he is panicking. This is after I told him ten thousand times there in no problem. So then he asks me; what can we do? I told him postpone the project for at least three months. Then he is all panicked; doesn’t know what to do. He says there is no way we can delay the project. I feel sorry for the guy. He beged me to get it done in the next six months. So I tell him, okay Ali, we’ll get it done on time. He shouldn’t be a Project Manager. He doesn’t know nothing.
Leo: Project Manager! He shouldn’t even clean my toilet. He is an idiot!
Robert: He is a nice guy, but I feel sorry for the guy.
Leo: Nice guy my ass! He makes more money than us? He is supposed to tell us what to do, and here I am telling him what’s going on. I have to hold his hands. Ali do this, Ali do that. I’m sick of it.
Marquito: Hey you guys want to get another round of drinks before they close the bar?
Leo: Marquito, we still have a lot of time left. They close it at 7:00.
Marquito: 7:00! I thought it was 6:30.
Leo: No, it’s 7:00.
Marquito: Well, I’m gonna get two more drinks for now, and then I’ll get some more later. Does anybody want anything?
Cyrus: Can you bring some more popcorns.
Leo: Look over there man!
Steve: Man! That could be your daughter.
Leo: No man! She got drinks. She is a lot older than my daughter, beside with those Bazookas, it’s okay to look.
Steve: I don’t even wanna get there. How is your daughter doing anyway? Did she pick a college yet?
Leo: She’s been applying. So far she got accepted for two places; Santa Cruz and East Bay.
Cyrus: Santa Cruz is beautiful! Which one is East Bay?
Leo: East Bay is Hayward. Man! I’d do anything to bang that woman. Look at her tits.
Cyrus: Hayward is good too. What else did she apply for?
Leo: A whole bunch of places. Look, look! She is bending down.
Steve: How come she is applying for so many places?
Leo: She is worried. She thinks maybe they don’t accept her, so she is submitting applications everywhere. Do you know how much we paid for application fees so far?
Steve: I know. They’re trying to make some money off of applications too.
Leo: Over a thousand dollars so far just in application fees! I tell her your grades are good. Don’t worry about not being accepted; just pick the ones that you really want to get in to. We want her to go somewhere away, but not too far. We want her to do her own things, but we don’t want her to go crazy either with being too independent.
Steve: My daughter applied for two, three places. She already got accepted for University of Hawaii in Hilo.
Cyrus: Wow! Hawaii! That must be very expensive!
Steve: Well, no. It’s actually cheaper than here.
Leo: How much? How much?
Steve: 10, 11 thousand a year for tuition.
Leo: Shit! That’s nothing! I think ours is gonna be like 25 thousands. Hey Steve, what happened to your other daughter? What’s up with that guy she is with?
Steve: I don’t know man. They’re married now. The guy is really something else.
Leo: That guy is really weird. I mean, he just sits there. I tried to make a conversation with him and he just sits there; don’t say nothing, and your daughter is so outgoing.
Cyrus: Opposites attract.
Steve: I don’t know man. I don’t know what my daughter saw in him, but that guy is really something else. I mean however their relationship is going to turn out, me and Sheryl will always love our daughter, but that guy, I don’t know. He is welcome to come to our house as long as they’re together, but I don’t care for that guy. He tells me nothing. He never came to us to ask to go out with her. We had no idea she was pregnant. He didn’t even ask us to marry her. I don’t know. I asked him if he wants to work out, and he just sits there. He is so puny.
Cyrus: What does he do?
Steve: He is into graphic arts.
Cyrus: An artist huh!
Robert: Yeah! That guy is impenetrable. Yeah, was it at your party, Steve? I mean, I was drunk and everything, and I think he had some drinks too, but he didn’t say much.
Leo: No, Robert. It was at my Dad’s birthday party. Your dad was there too. I tell you, your dad can talk.
Robert: My dad! Did I ever tell you about the time my grandmother found out my grandpa was fooling around with another woman? She got on a car and drove down the hill and went right through the canteen. Broke the whole wall, windows, tables, and everything. People were jumping all over the place. Then, she gets out and pulls out a gun and starts shooting. I’m gonna kill you son of bitch, she shouts. I think my grandpa wasn’t there, or he got out the back door before she had a chance to blown his ass to pieces. They put her in jail, you know. That woman was crazy. I think she was like Hungarian-German gipsy. She was crazy. We’d get drunk and she’d tell me everything. That woman was in her seventies and she tells me how much she used to fuck around before she met grandpa. She’d get up and go, ummm ummm, like this, right in front of me. She’d tell me how much fun she had. This was all before she met grandpa, and then after that, I guess she was a one-man’s woman after that.
Leo: Yeah, she was crazy alright.
Robert: So one day, I must have been sixteen of something, my dad raised his hand to slap me again, so I grabbed his hand in the air, and told him, if you hit me again I’m gonna kill you, you son of bitch. In case you don’t know I’m Rachelle’s grand son, you piece of shit. So then, he froze up, his face turned to a ghost. He never hit me again after that day. I think he must have known about Rachelle being crazy and trying to shoot everybody, but he never talked to us about his mother.
Leo: Yeah, your dad told me about your grandma.
Robert: You see! That’s what I mean. I lived with him all those years, he never talked about grandma, but he tells you about it. I mean, who the hell are you to him!
Marquito: It’s the gap thing. You see, parents can’t talk to their children like that. It’s like they have to keep themselves a certain distance from their children, but between grandparents and grandchildren, they can communicate like that without needing that separation.
Robert: Do you know what he told me when I wanted to go to college? He said I’m not going to give you a dime. If you want to go to college you have to pay for it yourself. So, I did. I worked my ass off everyday, I studied like hell, and I partied like hell too. You know what was the worst thing I did? I had any girls I wanted when I was in college, so one night I had two of them in my pockets, sure thing, right. So then I see this third one, so I want to go for all three of them, so then I lose all of them. That’s when I figured out I had become too greedy with pussies. I should have stayed with the two. They were fine looking too.
(Robert’s cell phone rings. He whispers on the phone and leaves the table.)
Leo: I don’t get it! What’s up with Robert? He could’ve had anyone he wanted, but he ends up with Anna! What the hell is wrong with him? Why doesn’t he divorce her ass? That woman is constantly calling him.
Marquito: She is insecure.
Cyrus: Maybe they’re saying together for the kids.
Steve: She knows about his college years.
Leo: So what? He fucked around, he was single, he was young. Does she have to call him every five minutes? My wife, I tell her, honey I’m going on a business trip. I’ll call you when I get there. That’s it. She doesn’t call me every fucking five minute to see what I’m doing.
Cyrus: You know those cell phones with cameras, some women who don’t trust their husbands now want them to take a picture of where they are, any time they demand it, and email it to them. So, if they call you and you say I’m in a meeting right now, and you’re in bed with someone, you’re supposed to take a picture of the meeting room right away and send it to them. I think Robert got one of those cell phones that you can access the Internet.
Leo: You’re talking about i-Phone. You can access the Internet in a fraction of a second. You can access you’re emails, send attachments, gamble your ass off, shoot videos, 3-megapixel camera, and it’s got voice control too, if you want to call someone you just say it in the air and it dials it for you.
Cyrus: How do you know all of that?
Leo: Cyrus, you still live in the 20th Century. Robert has one of those i-Phones. He was telling me all about it. I’m gonna get one of those.
Cyrus: What! Your wife wants you to send her pictures of your whereabouts.
Leo: Screw you Cyrus. My wife trusts me with everything.
Cyrus: So, how come you’re always after these other women?
Leo: Cyrus, it’s like this; I have pictures of my family all over my office. These women know I’m a family man. Did I ever lie to anyone? Did I ever tell anyone, you sleep with me and I’m gonna love you forever. No, they know I’m a family man, and they don’t care. You know what, they even like it because they know what they’ll get, and I won’t be ruining their lives.
Cyrus: If you’re so happy, if your wife loves you so much, why risk it?
Marquito: His wife, as soon as he leaves the house, she goes out too.
Leo: Fuck you Marquito! My wife would never do anything like that. She is home right now helping the girls with their homework.
Cyrus: So, why do you do it?
Leo: It’s like this, you’re young, you fall in love; you make love to your wife seven times the first night, then once every seven nights, then once a month. I mean how many times someone can make love to the same woman for Christ sake! Sooner or later you’ll get sick of the same thing. I mean, I love my wife, but I want something else on the side.
Cyrus: Fine, fine! Does she know?
Leo: Hell no! You think my wife is a pervert or something!
Cyrus: No, no! I didn’t mean it that. I mean I don’t know. I’m saying, wouldn’t it be more honest if she knew? I mean after all she trusts you and everything. Don’t you think you’ll destroy her if she ever found out you’ve been fooling around?
Leo: Don’t worry she’ll never find out.
Cyrus: And if she does?
Leo: Don’t worry; I’ll make it up to her. She’ll never leave me.
Leo: What’s the matter Robert? Anna is giving you more problems again?
Robert: That woman is crazy! She is going on and on about how I’ve abandoned her. For what! Because I’ve gone to this business trip. Because she doesn’t trust you Leo. Because she knows you’re up to no good. She trusts Steve, but she doesn’t trust you. She knows you’re up to no good.
Leo: She better not say anything to Sandra.
Robert: Don’t worry, she doesn’t know anything, but she knows you’re up to no good. She wants to know why I go on these business trips with you. I tell her, I have work to do. She wants to know who else is here with me. I just don’t know what to do.
Cyrus: Why don’t you take a picture of us and sent it to her.
Robert: Screw you!
Cyrus: You said she wants to know who you’re with, so just send her a picture.
Robert: She wants to know who you are.
Cyrus: I’ve met you’re wife before a couple of times.
Robert: She vaguely remembered you. She remembered that you were divorced, so now she wants to know why you got a divorce.
Cyrus: So now she wants to blame me for demise of your marriage?
Robert: Screw you Cyrus! Who said my marriage is demised?
Leo: Robert, you treat her too well. That’s your problem. You had all those beautiful girls in college, and what did you do? You treated them like shit, and you didn’t give a shit what happened to their feelings after you dumped them, and they loved you; then you met Anna and I don’t know what happened to you. Was she better than everyone else? No, Robert. I saw those girls you went out with. They didn’t care if you were poor or not. They wanted you because you were treated them like shit, and I don’t know what happened to you, and now this woman is riding your ass. Right Steve?
Steve: Oh no! That’s booze talking. This treating woman like shit in none sense. I’d never treat my wife that. Do you Leo?
Leo: Steve, what the hell! I’m trying to make a point here. You can’t be pussy whipped. Robert is pussy whipped right now. “I don’t know what to do!” Be a man for Christ sake! She asks you what you’re doing, you tell her I’m working my ass off, and that’s the end of that. Don’t let her interrogate you. Either she trusts you or doesn’t. That’s the end of that conversation.
Marquito: Hey, it’s almost 7:00. Are you guys gonna get more drinks before they close?