The JAFIO Report: Week of Jan. 15, 2010

How to read this post: every time you see JAFIO, you must say “Just Another Fucking Iranian Observation”, preferable out loud but mumbling it like a crazy person to yourself is OK too.

Not much to report this wee… Oh right! Haiti exploded.

One of the poorest and downtrodden countries in the world, can’t seem to catch a break. After a few years of relative peace, after getting rid of Poppa Doc and the horrors of a brutal dictator, and having gained the full attention of an increasingly Christ-like Bill Clinton through the UN, it seemed Haiti was finally on a better path. Then a 7+ quake shattered the capital Port Au Prince, tossing hope filled bodies once again into mass graves, this time not for their politics.

Within hours, just on text message donations alone, over $8 million was raised. So far 4 days later though, not a drop of it has actually gotten to Haiti. So the speed of the internet it seems, is still not as fast as we need it to be.

The US administration’s relief response, under Obama this time, did not falter the 4 days it took Bush to accept the devastation of Katrina. Within hours the first US military flights began to land. The Marines successfully took the Airport, understandably without any resistance.

Can you say 52nd State? Although this might sound cruel, JAFIO, but there is no better time to “Occupy” Haiti and insert one of those off the shelf “Regime Changes” the US likes to experiment with. Under the guise of humanitarian aid of course!

I can say this, because unlike Puerto Rico, the local population would actually love the idea. Plus it would eliminate the embarrassing position the US has of having to always explain why one of the poorest countries in the world is at it’s doorstep, a stone’s throw from Miami.

…Same Shit Different Week!

Absolutely nothing worth noting happened in Iran this week. OK, I generalize, but if you measure things in terms of whether there was another revolution, Green, Black, or Beige, there wasn’t one. If you measure it in terms of whether or not the Iranian people were allowed free speech or not, they weren’t. If you measure it in terms of whether Iranian women could dress any way they chose, the couldn’t. If you measure it in terms of whether or not Iranians could be simply free to pursue their happiness, they can’t.

But if you measure it in terms of how many protesters were still detained, and whose cases were expedited via a newly amended religious law that allows the accused to be executed sooner than the usual time it takes to test your sins and proof of witchcraft in the dunk-tank of eslam, it was an extremely productive week!

Allah be praised! With all these sinners, a Mollah’s work is never done!

Meanwhile, an American God farted and yet another lifeless Galaxy was born. (courtesy Family Guy Season 4 episode #27)

In what little Iranian Paparrazzi we dare to muster, Rudi Bakhtiar finally quit or was fired from PAAIA this week. Likely due to her very vocal comments on CNN the week of the protests last summer, a clear violation of PAAIA’s policy of not commenting on anything to do with Iranians. If Rudi had commented on US policy, that would have been OK. (what?)

The former queen of Headline News Network (the lower-brow division of CNN) and the anchor most famous for correctly (and erotically) pronouncing “Saddam”, and delivering horrific stories of world disasters and human carnage, ending them with her sly soulless trademark wink, left the Public Affairs Alliance of Iranian Americans, an unaccountable unrepresentative self appointed group, to join the International Campaign for Human Rights in Iran, an unaccountable unrepresentative self appointed group.

All of us on the JAFIO Report wish Ms. Bakhtiar all the best. We are 100% behind you (Far, far, way far back, behind you).

Side Note: In case you are confused, PAAIA is completely different from NIAC (National Alliance of Iranian Americans).

NIAC forms hare-brained ideas, then takes them to gullible American politicians who don’t know anything about Iran, and who don’t have any power to change things.

PAAIA on the other hand forms different harebrained ideas and then takes them to American politicians who don’t know anything about Iran, and who don’t have any power to change things.

So that’s how they’re diff… wait… what?

Disclaimer: Please feel free to post cynical or humorous comments. Due to apathy, exhaustion, and boredom, any serious discussions, literal misunderstandings, irrelevant discussions, and virtual fist fighting will be therapeutic.

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