The person who has been sent out of society. I had no help in my life. Nobody helped me and if I had problem, the other people who pretend to want to help me, took more advantages of me. Even in the time that I felt down the road, nobody came to help me to stand up. I should get up myself and try to manage the pain I had and continue to go further. Nobody helped me and nobody had mercy concerning me or my situation. So can the society expect that I should have mercy about other people? I hope I do not get much power or money, I will be may be a cruel woman. I wish in the time that I have power and money be not dangerous to the people, as I hate the people.
The old woman moved her face to the upper position after saying those words. Her face was full of pain and sorrow. A gram eats her from inside. And she was sitting under the free sky in a cold winter time. The big snows were falling to her head and were moving in a poetic way around her. The snows were soon covering the ways and where the old woman was sitting, under a balcony of and old house. The darkness was everywhere. Some lights were coming from far away, the sound of music were coming also from those street with a lot of noise of laughing and singing. That means around her, was a lot of joy and singing and dancing and music and she was sitting alone under a balcony of an old destroyed house. She looked for a while after that she told give me some money. Give me something and continued what has happened to my son, my lovely poor son? Where is he now, who took him from me? I told her, mother it seems that you are no well? She looked at me and said Mother, you said mother, am I still a mother? My son had not died? What has happened to him? I moved my head with sorrow and she continued excitedly and spoke very fast. But who are you? I told her quietly, you can tell me your story, I will listen to it. In the time that her teeth were shivering from the cold, she said no no, I will say nothing. I said, but may be I can help you and bring your son to you. She said God bless you, OK , I will say my story for you. I hope you will live for a long time and you will not die as a young man. Listen I will tell it to you. In the time that her face was also shaking, she told many years ago, I had a nice husband and we have a nice life. My son Jalayer was an intelligent boy and spoke very nicely. We both were very proud of him that he is so good and study so good and read a lot of books. He was a good student and was studying in the high school, he was in eight grade.
He went in the morning to the school and came at night home. He studied hard and he read a lot. He browed books from his other classmates and read them eagerly under the candle or the oil lamps that we had. We had a room with a little table, in the winter I put a big blanket on the table and put some fire under the table so we were sleeping around the table. (In that time there were no central hitter or other devices to warm the rooms in winter so the people used an old table with short legs. They put it in the middle of the room and they covered it with a big blanket. And the sleep in the four sides of the table. And they eat on the top of the table and the light was on the table also. ) so he reads book until three or four O’ clock in the nights. So he could speak very well and he could write also nicely. His Persian and composition teacher always asked him to read his composition in the class. I get the from problem from that son. I asked her, what has happened? Does he killed his father? Your husband? She said no, he did not kill his father. I asked so than what has happened? She looked at me and said why you are not patient. Wait, I will tell you what has happened. She looked at me and said again my story is not sweet and nice, but I continue it for you. I said thanks a lot, I was shying from my impatient. I do not know in which grade he was, I forgot it. The ugly and I hope he will die , the teacher who could not explain for him the math, because he had not any good education let he fall in his class. The teacher wanted money and we did not have it. (In those days most Persian or Iranian high school did not have good English or math teachers. The people or teacher who know good math or English could work in private companies or do other work for the government, so the math teachers or English teacher were generally the graduate people from only the high school and they did not have any knowledge of math or English. And because they did not have knowledge with fear and bad score manage the classes. So the children were afraid to tease them. ) he was trying to learn these two subjects by himself like other subject as History, theology, Persian or so, but he could not. He could not learn and I did not have money to get him a private teacher. The teacher wanted extra money to let him pass, but we did not have the money so he failed. Jalayer told me all the rich students learned privately with him and pay a lot of money to him so they all passed, only I could not pass. If we had money I could pass also. In this time the tears were coming from both eyes of her. I told him, repeat the same class one time more and continue you study.
He said very angrily no, how can I continue all the subjects again, many boys who do not know anything have passed and I have to repeat the whole class and the whole material again. After that we cried both, he told me about unjust and he told me about forces. He was very upset and very angry. I do not know what they did to him in the school. So, he was not the same active and good looking boy any more, he did not read so much any more and he was like a statue. He was going in a very good shape in the school and may be the teacher or principal thought they can have good income from him. He was now very angry and very upset and said bad words to me and my husband; you had no money why you make children? We were not so poor, my husband had a good income, he was a very good workman, and he could repair everything he got. And I worked in rich houses and got good money. His clothes were, like the clothes of a general’ son. His books and his notebooks are from the best materials. He was now wild and breaks everything and damages the material that we bought long time ago. I afraid from his looking and form his action. He cried always and says bad words to everybody, all religions, all prophets and even God. I afraid that to say bad words about God and prophets will bring more disasters in our family. When ever I wanted to speak with him and cool him down he cried more and said bad words to me, you for your sexual activities have married and I should born. Her voice was shivering and she was very upset. She said all these books and school brought so many disasters in my house. That was the end of his going to school.
She said he was like a mad dog and after that the love of motherhood moved her and said, I am so sorry to say that bad word concerning his action, but he was not a normal person any more. He cried so much that at the end he could not speak any more, he made our life full of harm and disasters. He fights with every body that was in his way and every day came home covered with blood. He was not the same quite boy any more. This falling changed his character completely. His father was very upset about the situation and cried bitterly about his son. We lost him; he was a crazy man not a normal one. She said that was the result of his going to school. The teachers are not willing to understand the students that they are human being and they are sensitive. They cannot explain the materials or they cannot manage the class and so the children are their victims. ( she could not imagine that in America, those victims are now the teachers. The students do with them what ever they want and they cannot ask for support. Now the teachers are paying the cruelties the teacher did in the pat. ) after this problem I got another problem. His father died in the factory he was working in and now my child was completely mad. He fights every day with me and I was the only person to whom he could complain. He does everything and he did not believe in anything any more. All his believe and love have gone away. He changed in one year from a nice lovely good intelligent boy to an angry, hard corrupted boy. He goes after bad people and gambled and did a lot of bad things. And one day he said that he killed one of the boy fighting with him. The boy died before reaching the hospital. He was few days very worried and one day a lot of policemen came to our door and wanted him. They said they want Jalayer. I told them, what they want, they said they came from the police station to take him with themselves. I lost my control and my face was yellow, and I could not speak properly. I told them he is not home. One of the police man said, you are lying and hits me and they came into the house. They came into the house and my son was like a mad dog running every where and they catch him like a dog and bit him a lot. I cried and asked them not to hit them , but they did not car. They have their victims and they could punish him in the way they liked.
They took him away and I do not know who had the fault, me, my husband , the teachers? I do not know may be nobody has fault. I cried a lot because he had gone. And I went to see him in the prison many times. I brought for him candy and gave them to him. He was now quite and as he does not care about his life any more. One day the police man told me, that is your last meeting with your son. He will die and hanged up next day. I lost my thinking and get anxious and fell down unconsciously. The police took me out of jail and as I came back to myself I was on the side walk on the street next to prison. I cried alone at home many days, I could not eat and walk any more. I cried the whole night until it was next day. The snow were coming every day and the roofs were full of snow, there was no son or husband to clean the roofs and I had no interest to do that, for what I lost my loves. I was also mad. I came out of house and went everywhere without any goal. One day I came home and saw that the house is damaged under the heavy load of snow and the roofs came down completely. So my house also gone after my family. So I sleep that nigh close to my house and next day I had no place to live any more and no money to pay for food. Now because of situation I cannot work properly, too. And the people do not refer me work. So now I am a bagger. I did not go to the prison any more as I thought they will kill my son. I do not have also no money to go there. I do not know what has happened to my son. Soon the door of the nice house was opened and the old woman told me, I should go there and ask for mercy, may be they will help me. The God did not help me. May be they do.
The women and men in nice clothes are coming out and going to their cars parked close to the house. New cars, new expensive clothes were there. They were so nice and beautiful under the lights of the huge lamps. Even their shades were nice and beautiful. I wished their heart will be nice and beautiful also. I saw also the old woman is going to them to have some help. And the snow was so high soon she felt down and I could not see her shade any more.
The deep night and a lot of rain and water and cold weather next to the sea with a lot of disasters. How can the powerful people imagine our hard condition?
I was very upset and angry form the situation and nobody care about the woman who felt down between the snows including me. I was like a mad man, too. I was the same person like the others, indifferent and cold and selfish. I wanted just save myself and the old woman was not important for me. I shy from myself. I hate human being and the humanity. Sorrowfully I did not help the old woman, may be she did not want help. May be she choose to be death also. I went home, but I could not sleep the whole night. Even in the time that I slept I saw bad horrible dreams. So after few hours, I decided to go and see the woman who was felt down on the floor full of dick snow. It was may be two o’ clock in the night that I left the old woman and now it was seven in the morning. I hurried and went to the place after thirty minute walking I came to the place. If went under the balcony and where we have spoken with each other few hours ago. I saw some men from municipality were saying bad words about a woman who is lying dead there. In few minute drive there a nice big white new car. They took the dead woman, and pushed her in the car for funeral. The woman could not imagine in her mind or life to enter such a nice beautiful new car. I hate myself that I did not take the woman to my home. As I afraid my landlord will be angry with me and may ask me to go out of the room. I was like other people, too selfish and egoist and because I afraid to get to problem, I let the woman die for cold and because had no food and money and a place to live. I was angry with myself, because I was just like other people. I could not forgive myself, because of my selfishness and be indifferent.