On the heels of the IRI’s recent guidelines on Islamic haircuts for men, comes the edict from Urmiyeh-based cleric Gholamreza Hassani that the government needs to “take it to the next level” by forbidding another infamous symbol of Western Anti-Islamic propaganda: Male Pattern Baldness.
Speaking at his Friday prayer sermon, Hassani denounced the trend of follicly-challenged middle-aged to senior Iranian men, likening it to a sick desire to assimilate to American sex symbols such as Yul Brynner, Kojak, Tony Soprano and Tom Colicchio, of Bravo TV’s Top Chef (Every wednesday at 8/9 C).
“And don’t forget Mr. Clean!” spewed an enraged Mr. Hassani “For years this American “superhero” has taunted us with his shiny cranium, the implication being that only a smooth as baby’s butt hairstyle is the epitome of manhood, knowing full well that Middle-Eastern men have been blessed with thick, curly, dark, beautiful Islamic hair from the tip of their toes to the top of their unibrows from birth.”
Reached for comment, President Ahmadinejad, speaking at a conference at Columbia University in New York, responded:”In Iran, we don’t have baldies like in your country”, prompting many boos and hoos from the outraged audience.
Given the President’s denial, reporters turned to Spiritual Leader Ayatollah Khamenei, who after a while, reluctantly acknowledged the growing problem of anti-Islamic baldness in the Iranian population. When pressed to remove his turban to demonstrate to the audience what an Islamic hair pattern should look like, Khamenei paled and retreated to his villa, mumbling something about stress.
Officials in Iran have already started to take measures to crackdown on MPB, one of them being a formal invitationto Cy Serling, President (and also a client) of the notorious North American Islamic organization HairClub for Men.
