Today, I happened upon the self-posted “News” that Shahram Hadian (R) is running for the Washington State House of Representatives in the 44th District. Ouch! And he then asked me for my support too, which made it even worse! How could I say No?
The 44th District (as opposed to District 13) is the area primarily around Snohomish (bless you!). Rural, to say the least. Specifically 47deg55’9″N122deg 5’28″W. The Snohomish tourism ad campaign is literally called “Come See Snohomish!”. I’m not sure but I think the slogan is something like, “Drive, Shop, Dine, Break Down, Stay, Get Murdered”.
Snohomish is the kind of town that has a drive-thru Starbucks. Being in that part of constantly drizzly Washington State, where sexual assault/strangulations are solved 36 years later, and people routinely show up floating in the river with their car doors mysteriously wide open a mile up-river, Snohomish is safe to say, rural America at it’s 93.64% whitest, most strange, and tense. Stephen King’s Snohomish, if you will.
District 44 and Snohomish is also exactly the kind of Mad Hatter’s Tea Party target that the right-wing has laser focused on, in its bid to “Reclaim America from the Liberal Scourge!” The incumbent Hans Dunshee is a Mountain Man/Lumber-Jack/Brawny-Man looking er- man, with a big beard and a huge gut, who hasn’t lost an election in 16 years, who routinely tortures his mountain bike, and actually holds his town hall meetings right in town. Preferably at a local ice creamery or a favorite pastry shop. Hence the gut.
Apparently though, Snohomish is also the place where normal short and stocky Iranians go, to become Bible thumping Republicans and cops, and then run for office, under the platform of smaller government, greater personal freedom, yet greater support for local police.
What?
Enter Shahram Hadian. By Hadian’s very own Republican party fund-raised words, “We stand on the right, on the side of right values. We stand [up]on common sense, truth and conservative values… this is the year that we will defeat our opponents, we’re going to defeat their defiance, and we’re going to remind them who truly is in charge, the people of this district and the people of this state.”
Unfortunately, “…the people of this state” or about 3/5 of Washington happen to be routinely Liberal and more often than that Democrat.
As far as new ideas goes, other than the obvious support for his brethren cops, Hadian’s ideas for how he plans on exactly supporting businesses and smaller and smarter government are still literally “under construction”. Clearly though, Hadian seems to have drunk the entire pitcher of Koolaid at the Republican altar and with the relish of a Jim Jones evangelical faith healing, is fully turned on to run his Democrat hating campaign of a life-time, one that no doubt Mt. “Rush”-More, (with Sean, Mark, and Glenn facing to the right) would be proud of.
Chances of success in this saucy-Snohomish are higher than they have ever been given that the other Congressman in the District, Mike Hope is also a Republican, also a Cop and has endorsed Hadian.
Call them the Doughnut Duo.
But, whether you think I’m being a bit too smart ass-ish, cynical, or mean, or not, you gotta love the balls on this little guy, this sparky “terrier with a bone”! Why is it all the Shahram’s I know always think they can do stuff? Seriously though, this is a classic and wonderful example of an Iranian without a hope, trying it anyway, without thinking through the unlikely chances of success, and ignoring the warning signs and better judgment all around him, of the disastrous consequences of losing even one political race in America.
Bless his black little heart, Hadian is going for it! And that is always fun and exciting to see. Not because he has the slightest chance of winning, but because we all love a good car crash and the required, “What was he thinking?” postmortem the day after the election.
Hadian does know one thing. That his opponent will likely use his Iranian heritage against him. And in a district that is 93.64% White that could actually work. That is, unless the 2010 Census report comes out in time for the election, proving once and for all that Iranians are in fact White.
What Hadian’s campaign (like Goli Ameri’s great disaster of 2004, the only candidate in history incompetent enough to lose to a sex offender) shows, is that while Iranians should absolutely be involved in US politics, that doesn’t mean we should actually run for office!
We are smarter than that. Aren’t we?
