The Day the Laughter died
Iranian-American expatriates attending a conference in Tehran were perplexed when President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad delivered a speech riddled with uncharacteristic wisecracks, until he explained to them that the real reason they had been invited was to participate in a new reality show starring Ahmadinejad as Iran’s Last Comic Standing.
Meanwhile, spokesmen continued to deny reports that Mr. Ahmadinejad had been the subject of an assassination attempt last week, explaining instead that “what really happened was Dick Cheney accidentally shot Mahmoud while they were both on their annual, traditional quail hunting trip.”
Hey, all you had to do was ask
U.S. Secretary of State Hilary Clinton called on the Iranian government to release all political prisoners in accordance with its obligations under the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights. To which Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei immediately responded with: “Albateh ke we will release them all, Hilary Joon, negaran nabash. And then, me and you can both put on tuxedos and rhinestone hats and walk solemnly on the White House Front Lawn carrying bouquets of snapdragons.”
Mr. Potatoe-Head
Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle’son, Ben Quayle, who is currently running for a Congressional seat in Arizona, called Barack Obama “the worst President in history” in a controversial new political ad campaign. Quayle then returned home to find that all his walls had mysteriously shattered into thousands of fragments of glass.
Jet Blues
Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater became an overnight folk hero when he slid down the emergency chute of his airplane after being abused one too many time by an irate passenger. Inspired by Slater’s resulting meteoric rise in popularity, President Barack Obama decided to do the same on Air Force One after being abused one too many times by an irate Teabag movement.
Top Chef
Osama Bin Laden’s cook was sentenced to 14 years in prison by a Guantanamo Bay U.S. Military Tribunal. Among the charges Ibrahim al Qosi was convicted of: Conspiring with al Qaeda to lace the creamy filling in Napoleon pastries with Anthrax and torturing American prisoners of war by forcing them to shave hundreds of pounds of Parmesan cheese.
Unintentionally ironic movie title
Cinematic history was made when for the first time, old box office rivals Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis appeared in a film together. The Expendables opens this Friday, August 13, 2010. Quick, somebody get me a Time Machine back to Friday, August 13, 1986, so I can really care.
HAVE A GREAT WEEK-END EVERYONE!!!
