My mysterious love of China Part three
As I wrote before there is other problems for us the Middle Eastern people who are living in the west. Most of us who came after the so called Islamic revolution cannot find the same job and have the same income. So our family will be upset. And sometime the wife will go after the divorce. Or by accident we lose our family and we as a man are forced to marry again. A man without wife is not complete, as a woman without husband is not complete, too. But the society here is different and they do not accept us generally. In Europe if you know the language and you respect the culture you are accepted and the people have interest to know about you and your culture. But here they people do not care and they have no interest to be with foreigners. The German professors are willing to help you and correct your mistakes, but here the American professors do not show any interest. The culture here is to ignore and to be indifferent. Now you can see why the Middle Eastern people are attracted to the foreigners who live here.
The only Americans who have interest about us are they who want to introduce their religions to us, because they think we will pay later to their church. Many people say American came to you for sex or business. I was teacher in the American school in Tehran, and the American there were very nice and friendly. I had a lot of American friends in Tehran, but here I tried very hard to have one good American friend, and I could not find it. So you can imagine if a China professor shows interest, the person who live here isolated and alone will be attracted to her/him. But there is a mystery about the Asian or China people that they do not get very serious, especially if they are academic people. So Sasan was in the same position, he lived here about five years completely alone. He tried to have some friends, but it did not work. Now a beautiful smart and very intelligent China woman showed interest about him and filled the missing part of his life. She was his family and she alone has covered the whole family of his. He told me that he was there after the accident and could not move, because he was injured, he saw that the car and his five families, the wife and his all children burned in the fire. Even after six years, in the time he remembered the accident he got very upset and cried loudly. It is not easy to lose all your family one time and in few hours. But what can we do that happened and we should accept it. He went to a lot of doctors and used a lot of medicine, but still he was very upset about the situation. So Lee was a light of hope in his life. They were the whole time together and they spend their time together and
Sasan was in a very deep love with her. She was like a very good friend or family to him, but Sasan wished more than this.
Lee was all my family what I had. I saw my two daughters, my wife in her. She alone could replace them for me. I saw in her face the face of my beloved daughters who were not with me any more and they burned in the fire. In the time I was with her all my gram and pain have gone, she was bringing with here new face and new action love and hope in my life. I thought I know her as I was two years old. But sorrowfully she could not feel or understand how deep I am involved with her. Sometimes I thought that she thinks, that is a normal like or love and it does not have any route in my mind or heart. She told me if she feel in love with me that is a problem for her. Sometimes I could not understand why she does not feel my deep love, that is burning me. I could not imagine to live any more without her. She told me Sany you should forget me. I will be like a dream for you. Please, do not hate me. I wished she could feel my deep love and I hoped that one day she will understand this. Burt our love was a love between two kids. We could not enjoy the real love with each other. More than kiss and hugging, she did not want. We slept many days and night with each other in the same bed, but she did not want to love me completely, something very strange made a wall between us. If she loved other persons why she kissed me so deeply, is she did not love me enough why she stayed the whole day and the whole week or month with me. That was something very strange in her. May be she afraid from me that I love her so much. She knew that I lost all my family in a terrible car accident. She afraid that I will be to connected to her. But still I could not leave her. It was any minute I was with her enjoyable. Even I knew that she will not be mine at the end of story. She said in the very beginning that she cannot be my wife and she cannot have a baby born for me. But I thought maybe she will change her mind.
I tried to be very nice to her. I did whatever she wished. I derived her where ever she like and the whole day she kissed me and with love and passion, but she have always a distance with me. She looked at me for a long time, than her beautiful eyes were full of tear and said Sany I love you so much, I think soon I will go to a trouble. I said but love is not a problem. We can marry. I can come with you to anywhere you like. I do not have any family any more. She said that is also a problem. I cannot accept so much love. You have nobody and you will give all your love to me. That is too heavy for me to carry. She was so indigent that she spoke English without any accent. Her ears was so perfect like a child. She just listen one time to a word and then she could repeat it. She asked me one time what does check cash mean? I explained just one time to her and she could pronounced the words and she knew the meaning, she said you are a good teacher, but in reality she was a very good student. She knows English from the book only, but after few months, she could lecture English for her students. She was nice humble , very smart, intelligent, beautiful, friendly and… she did not want to marry me. I remember in the time I was student in Europe a very beautiful girl wanted to be with me and have sex with me. She was very beautiful, but she did not love me. She wanted to have me until she can find another European better man. She wanted me for a short time or something as reserve for her sex needs until she find another man. I run away and told him, I am not horse or roster. Forget it. But Lee was different she did not want sex, she was just a very good friend and very closed one. But she did not want to be also my wife. In that case I could not run away.
