The writings below were inspired by this blog from Fesenjoon.
The United States Oath of Allegiance (that’s the oath that all you naturalized U.S. citizens took to become citizens) states:
“I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state or sovereignty, of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen; that I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform noncombatant service in the armed forces of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform work of national importance under civilian direction when required by the law; and that I take this obligation freely without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; so help me God.”
I’m sure you all remember the day you took this oath. For most non-Iranian people who become U.S. citizens, that day is a joyous, happy day. For some—not all—Iranians, it’s a day where they can brag about their “zerangi” and prepare to file petitions to bring the rest of their family over to the U.S. Nothing wrong with–except for the fact that now that you have put your John Hancock (or, if you prefer, Abdullah Islaminejad) on that form, you are legally obligated to do certain things. One of those pesky little things is the obligation to bear arms on behalf of the U.S. This means that in case there is a war and a draft, you will have to put down the chelo kabob dish, say goodbye to the summer vacation and cheap opium parties (and more chelo kabob) in Iran, get out of your leased Mercedes and mosey on to the nearest recruitment center and be shipped to whatever area of the world the U.S. government thinks is appropriate for you to be–and fight for your new country. That’s right. You’re now an American. And it’s not “golabi” or “velesh kon baba, ki halesho dareh” type thing. You’re in it for the long haul.
Now let’s say that IR and its supporters’ wishful thinking actually comes true and the U.S. gets engaged in a war with Iran. See, in a democratic system like the U.S., there is a debate process about this sort of thing. But once the debate is over, and the decision is made to go to war, you can’t argue and “safsateh” about it any longer. The time for debate is over. Your representatives in the government have voted. It’s time to put the gear on and suit up–and shut up. What would you do if and when the time comes? Hide in Canada? Are all of you all of a sudden going to become “conscientious objectors?” Hey, Japanese Americans had to fight in WWII-some of them while their family members were interned in internment camps. Sen. Daniel Inouye had to do it. His parents were Japanese immigrants. He volunteered at Pearl Harbor and then fought the Japanese and was heavily wounded, receiving the Medal of Honor. Many German Americans fought in WWII. John Abizaid is Arab American. He was Centcom’s commander during the war in Iraq.
The scenario is one that actually happened in Iran as well. During the Iran / Iraq war, we knew a family who was Iranian / Iraq. The wife was Iraqi and her husband was Arab Iranian who also had relatives in Iraq. Their son fought for Iran, knowing that most of his family was Iraqi. There were many other examples like that.
But let’s say that you’re too old to fight. Or that you’re openly gay (hey, they haven’t repealed “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” yet) or you have some kind of a medical issue that prevents you from becoming a soldier. The other part of your oath says that you “will perform noncombatant service in the armed forces of the United States when required by the law; that [you] will perform work of national importance under civilian direction when required by the law …” That could mean spying you know. It could also mean translation service for U.S troops, making shells for tanks, etc. How are you going to get out of those things? Remember, no one has forced you to be a U.S. citizen. I assume that you all had green cards before you become citizens, which didn’t place the obligations of citizenship on you. Why did you take on this legal obligation? So you could stay in Iran for more than six months and not have to worry about it? So that you could bring your cousin here? Too bad. Whatever your reason was, that whole citizenship thing comes with a lot of baggage. So, here’s what I propose to you fake U.S. citizens: give it up. I mean your citizenship. It’s not too late. It can still be done. In fact, I have taken the liberty of preparing the following form letter that you all could use:
To: U.S. Dept. of Homeland Security
U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service
(insert your local office address)
Dear Sir / Madam,
My name is (Hassn Hossein / Fatemeh Soghra) Iranipour. My alien number is (insert your immigration number). I filed an application for citizenship on (date). On (date) I appeared at your office and took the citizenship oath. But now I realize that I no longer want to be a U.S. citizen. This is because I am (insert one or more of the following as they apply to you: an America hater; an IR lover; a coward; I don’t consider the U.S. to be my country; I am a “cause head” and hating the U.S. is my main cause; I am a leftover Iranian Marxist; I love Hassan Nasrollah; I love Ayatollah Khamenei; I love Osama Bin Laden and believe that he is a freedom fighter). I am also a liar because I did not tell you about any of this when I took my citizenship oath. But never mind that. In our culture we do these things. We think we are clever. But, where was I? Oh, yes, can I get my green card back please? Attached are my American passport and my certificate of citizenship. I am returning it to you…and no, I have not reported it lost and gotten a new one.
PS- how log can I stay out of the country in Iran now that I only have a green card? I have 4 pieces of land and six houses there that I need to rent / repair / sell.
Sincerely yours;
(Hassn Hossein / Fatemeh Soghra) Iranipour
See how easy that was? Now, for once in your lives, print the letter and send it to your local immigration office. Consider it a charity work for the new year, the charity being our honesty toward a nation that took you in and embraced you when your homeland was giving you the middle finger.
Blog photo courtesy of Fesenjoon.
