According to my neighbor Woodstock,
Muslims are space travelers that came here to take over our planet.
When they first arrived they were called MuFats and were as wide as they were tall. After years of inbreeding they lost most of their weight and began calling themselves MuSlims.
They take the form of “vampires” and need to be covered from the sun and are repelled by the sign of the cross, Holy water, pork bar-b-q and Playboy magazine. They must return to Makkah where soil from their planet is kept and spread it around the world.
They get high from a chemical produced on their tongue when they stone their females and reproduce with their young. If they “try” and tell the truth they fall on their knees from constipation and must place their head on the ground for relief.
Every day they must face toward the location of the hidden mother ship to get instructions. Their antenna, for receiving instructions, are in their feet and they can be seen washing them in public places. They enjoy going through airport security because they do not wear any underwear under their robes and like having their JUNK handled.
KNOWLEDGE is POWER, now bring me some ribs.