We all know them. We have all seen them. And we have all been their victims. They are the omnipresent Iranian “left.” There are a few varieties of them. But generally speaking, they are quinquaginarian and sexagenarian socialists and / or Islamo-socialists who reside in the West and either teach at a university or are perennial “authors” or pundits who are “experts” on Iran issues. These creatures have several things in common:
1) They are all fossils. They are relics of a bygone era where Karl Marx actually mattered and when Ali Shariati’s true hideous face was not yet revealed to the Iranian people.
2) They are all frustrated West haters. They lost the war of ideas and they blame the “West” for it. So, they try to find new things to advocate hatred of the West with since their promises of a classless utopian socialist society turned out to be nothing but Soviet style military dictatorships and Pol Pot’s killing fields. Plus, people of the world really don’t like to be forced into bread lines and be allowed to eat only one egg per day.
3) They all think that the Islamic Republic is the world’s salvation against the evil “West.” Really, they do! With the USSR gone, the only country that is belligerent enough to talk crap about half of the world day in and day out is the IR. Just think of the IR as the USSR without the military might to back up its big mouth, and you’ll get the picture. So, what do they do? Day in and day out, they try to do all kinds of acrobatics to convince us that the IR should remain in power, but just tweak itself a little bit. You know, fewer executions here, fewer stonings there, and voila! You have the perfect government on the planet.
4) The are extremely “por-roo.” It’s not enough that they brought us the 1979 devolution, they still have the audacity to tell us what we should do and what the government of Iran should or should not be. As if their “reedan” to our country wasn’t enough 32 years ago. And as if we’re dumb enough to fall for their bullshit again.
5) They hate Iran, and especially Iran’s ancient history. To them, that’s anathema to their ideology. This is partially due to their socialist beliefs and partially due to their Shariati style worship of Ali and other band of Arab nomads of 1400 years ago.
6) They paralyze the evolution of a solid and effective movement against the IR by their constant micro-analysis and twisting of every god damn thing that comes out of the mouths of every single person in Iran. Even when the people are chanting “marg bar jomhoori eslami,” they still come out and claim that people don’t want to change the regime. It’s as if their mission in life to maintain the status quo in Iran and to paralyze every bit of progress toward removing this regime. They have it down to a science: “paralysis by analysis.”
So, what should we do? Ignoring them is just not enough. Hanging them from light poles for creating the Islamic Republic—although a great idea—would probably land us in jail. Plus, we can wait to do that for when they return to Iran after the IR is gone to tell us how the new government should be.
For now, I suggest we don’t give them the forums and the opportunity to bullshit the world. It is said that when Lyndon Johnson took office after Kennedy’s assassination, noticed how things would get bogged down in never ending analysis by JFK’s Ivey League educated staff. So, he issued a decree saying “get all of these Harvards out of here.” So, he got rid of all those pencil heads and actually got things done, such as the landmark Civil Rights Act that Kennedy could have never gotten through a Dixicrat dominated Congress (as he had tried and failed before).
So, for us, let’s get all of these disastrous Shariati and Karl Marx wannabe fossils out of here. It’s over for you folks. You’re a bunch of irrelevant dinosaurs. Enough with the analysis. The Islamic Republic is a murderous, anti-Iranian criminal gang that needs to be kicked out of our country. That’s all. And hopefully, when the IR is gone, we will get in its place an ultra-nationalist government which will use you as cement and mortar with which it will repair Pasargaad and the rest of Takht-e-Jamshid. Can’t wait!
