I’m not feeling well. Some kind of a cold. Have been sitting at home all day. I can’t go for my daily run, and my sinuses feels like they’re going to explode any minute. So, to relieve some tension, I figured I write a blog and pick on some of my favorite punching bags: the America residing, yet America hating Iranian douche bags. You know the type, the Chomsky loving (after all, he is one of the “good” Jews), “imperialist” (whatever that means in the 21st century) hating, yet imperialist benefiting, chelo kabab eating, blog writing, manufactured outrage specialists who live among us.
Did I say imperialist benefiting? That’s a good one, if I may say so myself. It’s actually the point of this blog. So, listen up losers: you are America. However you “arbadeh” that you hate imperialists and wars and military action, you are a part of the whole thing. You fund every bomb that is dropped in Afghanistan, Iraq and elsewhere. Every time you go to your favorite shamshiri restaurant to stuff your fat faces with chelo kabob, every time you buy a car (assuming that you do not ride olaghs to work), every time you put gas in your car to drive to your jobs at the local university—or the car dealership as the case may be—every time you have taxes taken out of your paycheck, every time you write a check for your internet service to write this nonsense online, every time…well, even you have the requisite amount of intelligence to figure out the rest…you are contributing to the 21st century empire that is the United States of America. So, what do you have to say about that? Feel bad? No? Are you going to come up with some weird “safsateh,” (or may be a poem) telling us how YOU are not a part of this economy and this system? It ain’t gonna work. It is what it is. YOU are a contributing part of the system. But, no worries. There’s good news. There are actually two distinct steps that you can take to remedy this situation: Here they are:
The first option (and the less effective one) is to purchase a black sharpie from your local Staples. Now, come April 15, 2012, grab the sharpie and write, in large letters, on your IRS 1040 form this sentence: “I am an all knowing Iranian. I love Noam Chmosky and I hate imperialists. Therefore, I refuse to pay taxes so that I do not contribute to various wars around the world. Merci, as we say in Iran. By the way, have you been to Iran? It’s great. They have two meter long chelo kababs and cheap opium. I go there every summer. And the mullahs are very reasonable. Don’t listen to Zionist propaganda by the Jew controlled media. No sanctions please.” OK, a bit long, you may try to write in small letters. But anyway, carefully fold that form, address it to the Internal Revenue Service and then tell us how that works out for you (free advice: lawyer up. See you in Ft. Leavenworth).
The second, and more practical option is, of course, for you to pack up your “jol va palas” and your “kaseh koozeh,” purchase yourselves a one way ticket on Iran Air that you brag about being safe and head on down to the freedom fighting, Zionist slaying, Imperialist punching-in-the-mouth (is that even an expression?) non nuke-loving Islamic Republic of Iran, where you don’t have to see fat Americans (and possibly Jews—OMG!!) around you all the time. Easy enough, no? So, why haven’t you done it already? Why are you on Iranian.com lamenting America’s misdeeds? Why, bothers and sisters, why?
***The blog photo has no relation whatsoever to the blog’s content. I just felt like sharing my favorite Degas painting with everyone.