A Fictional Story about JJ Turning Iranian.com over to the New Owner
JJ had a meeting with the new Iranian.com’s owner to turn over all the critical documents and go through the final checklist, very similar to when you buy a house or a car.
“Saïd Jaan, we have been good friends for a while and you don’t know how much I appreciate you stepping in and taking over the operations. I have done this for 17 years and I think that I have gone as far as I could have with Iranian.com.” JJ seemed happy and relieved!
“Here are the spare keys, backup servers, system configs and service contracts with contact information. They are all here in this packet. But let me tell you a thing or two about the bloggers on the site and what I believe will be the key to your success.” Saïd was all ears.
“I have made a list of all the regular bloggers, with their interest areas, their hours of operation, their multiple id’s and I have put an asterisk next to their names if they have been banned before. The majority of them seem to have a life so they come and go. But there are a few who hang around the site at all hours of the day or night. So watch out for them.” Saïd seemed interested but not concerned.
“Let me give you a brief summary. The least trouble of the bloggers are the ones who solely blog about poetry, literature or cooking recipes. They are your A+ students, never cause trouble, sit in the front row and don’t chew gums in the class; model citizens! On the other hand, the trouble makers are some of the social and political bloggers. They bring in the hits and the endless comments, but you have to play them smart. Once in a while you have to ban them, but they come back under another user name. Just pretend that you don’t know anything about it.” JJ paused for a second and saw the concerned look on Saïd’s face.
“There is also the “Dear JJ Blog” which is something like a “Dear John Letter!” You will get that here and there from people who threaten to leave if things are not done their way. But don’t worry, they come back after a while pretending that nothing has happened!”
“What a scene!” Saïd murmured to himself.
“Now, the blogs are like the basic food types. You got the protein, the carbohydrates and the vegetables. Do you follow me so far?” Saïd looked puzzled.
“The blogs about the imminent war, Israeli airstrikes and related topic are your protein. You get them daily and most topics somehow end there. That’s your Golden Goose! Cherish them with your life. Every day there is new one by somebody and the bloggers will be all over them. Then there is Shah/Mosaddegh blogs. That’s your carbohydrate. There is nothing new there but the hits will be in the thousands and the comments last for more than a month. Keep an eye on this one. Put it on the front page immediately and watch the hits come home to Papa! Finally there is NIAC/MEK stuff. That’s your vegetables. Once a week you will get something from Trita or Rajavi. Again lots of hits and lots of comments. This one is like watching Esteghlal vs. Perspolis or Barcelona vs. Real Madrid. There is no right or wrong, it is all about the color of the jersey. Just stand back and watch the car crash!” Saïd definitely looked concerned.
“But there are the fun ones too like the Regime military might, all the Islamic teachings by the clergy and the speeches by the high ranking members of the Regime. But the most fun are the clips about half-naked Iranian model-wannabes, dancers or singers. Those get a lot of attention and comments. But the beauty of it is that nobody will blame you for posting them, they blame each other for commenting about them!”
“You look worried Saïd. Are you sure that you still want to do this?
Tell you what. What don’t you give it a shot for 30 days and let’s have a talk then.”
Here is Roya-ye-Shabaneh by Saeed Shayesteh