After the latest shooting on Facebook video, I realized that contrary to the claims, Facebook was not actually doing me any favors! In fact it was costing me more than I can afford, in moral currency.
Plus it was bankrupting my soul.
Crazy as it sounds, I don’t actually like to watch people die. Live. On my Smartphone. That would make it a Dumbphone.
So I shut Facebook down. No. It was much easier than you think.
It turns out that my “real” friends, actually know how to reach me and keep me up to date on their real lives, and better than that, sometimes, when things aren’t going so well in life, will actually let me know! Especially when they need my help or advice.
BY TALKING TO ME!
On Facebook it seems, everyone’s life is not only always just great, it is an outstanding off-da-hook beach party. In Ibiza. Or some other tropical paradise. Or in the case of Iranians, yet another “unforgettable” summer in Tehran. Everyone’s Facebook life is simply going a little too great. You know? Which is the very first in a long list of lies that I think Facebook propagates. The second one being that Facebook is an effective advertising medium. Although for the life of me I cannot remember a single Facebook ad, never-mind buying anything from one.
On Facebook everyone seems to be really good looking too. Especially when they are not. At least that’s what their over-posed selfies seem to show. Oh, and everyone is apparently always eating perfectly prepared, displayed, decorated, arranged, gourmet food. Even junk-food looks unbelievably delicious.
Uh. How about, No-thanks.
Plus you are forced to artificially “Like” everything. I know there are other options, that are hidden. But the Like is the only acceptable form of acknowledgement on Facebook. Likes are everything. Especially when it comes to categorizing and rating the value of women. Above all, I noticed that women are more sensitive to the number of Likes they have received. The value and success of a woman on Facebook is now directly related to a growing number of Likes. And shrinking your number of Likes is an outright crisis. An emergency. Likes are a reciprocal currency of social status and a badge of success on Facebook. If you give one, you had better get one in return. preferably get more than you give out. Then you are a winner.
So, deleting my Facebook account was both the scariest and best feeling ever. No, don’t worry, I copied all the pictures I wanted to keep (you’d be surprised how few I wanted to keep) before I pulled the not surprisingly hard to find trigger.
Recently, when a not-so-real Facebook-only friend, sent me another one of those Facebook video posts of yet another person almost being horribly hit by a truck in Russia, to Laugh Out Loud at, a video that was ONLY visible on Facebook, and when I robotomatically clicked the link, and saw this message, it instantly reminded me how happy I am to be free, and skipping like a silly schoolgirl, in a meadow, filled with flowers, and unicorns, and bunnies, all on the outskirts of the burning walls of hell.
Taste the meadow. Join the club. It is liberating to say the least. Water tastes sweeter. Air smells fresher. And above all, the Graphics are simply incredible.
(FYI, the secret handshake is left-handed. Yes! You were always a member! You just forgot.)