Enduring Double Standards In Marriage And Relationships With Persian Women

Q: Dr G., you are absolutely wonderful and hysterical – I have been reading most of the postings and only you could manage a humorous spin on some of these subjects.

I have been taking a good long look at our “farhang” after 25 years of being outside of “Jamee Irooni” and as disappointed as I am with its regression in some areas; it is proving time and time again that we’re seeing the theory of cause & effect at work when it comes to how our women have evolved. From what I see, inside or outside of Iran our girls have learned to adapt and comply with Jamee Irooni’s enduring double standards in marriage and relationship with Persian women. Standards which our men would never consider holding a non-Iranian women to. I am talking to men of all ages, education levels and walks of life who have been raised outside of Iran and when you get to the heart of it, in marriage with Irooni they are openly or subconsciously searching for their Virgin Mary! This explains the throng of men going to Iran to find wives after dating many good Persian girls in the states who were not “wife” material in their view, or the reason so many men cheat in their marriage to fulfill sexual fantasies which they refuse to believe their wives may be eager to fulfill – These are men who believe women don’t have “Janbeh” for sexual expression in a relationship. And in effect I believe to comply with and to adapt to such backward, double standards; our women have simply learned how to present themselves in ways to keep their dignity and respect in marriage with a Persian man – I believe you know some of the tactics I’m referring to!

Thus I have come to the conclusion that as long as the Persian man refuses to respect and desire the Persian woman as the delicate yet adaptable being they are; and not recognize them for beings who can easily mold from maternal to sexual without “losing” themselves, these men are creating and continuing this world of “bad bini”, deception and “do ruyee” between Persian men and women within their immediate Farhange Khanevadegi va Jame’e. – And I will put this squarely on the shoulder of individual men and not our society as a whole for obvious reasons. You see, I am the traditional one who believes a good man can mold a woman to be his perfect mate. Affarin be mardi ke recognizes Persian woman as a hot blooded lioness who deserves to be taken care of and respected – these men are the only descendants of our Kouroshe Kabir who truly understood the power and versatility of these woman. As for all others, I would say that the 1000+ years of Arab influence has marked them for life and they can speak “Parsi” or read the Shahname ‘til they turn blue – until they are truly ready to let go of their insecurities and bad bini regarding dokhtar Irooni, they will never really experience them as they are meant to be.

My advice be “Nasle Gom Shode” which I belong to is Stop all the trash talk and remember the high regards you used to have for “dokhtar Irooni” when you were young and an optimist… remember the respect and “Gheyrat” you felt towards her and bring that back! Trust that we will come back to you as well!

– Submitted by Sahar, 34, Florida, United States 

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A: Dear Friend,

Thank you so much for your lovely letter. I believe you could have written books on this topic, but you did manage in just a few concise paragraphs to convey a powerful message. I really don’t have much to add. I definitely agree with you that cynicism does not much help any of us. And I also appreciate that you invoke us all to be accountable members of society and of a truly rich and beautiful culture. I believe that we must all take pride in ourselves, if not culturally, individually. Date with integrity. Live with integrity. Love with integrity. When we all aim high, there is no double standard…just one lofty endpoint.

Thank you again for sharing your views with our community!


– Dr. G.

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