Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) has ended 2018 with his annual “Festivus” Tweetstorm – roasting Washington DC in an epic fashion using the Seinfeld-created holiday tradition’s “Airing of Grievances” (which is of course followed by Feats of Strength).
Paul starts off his 25-tweet sermon looking for Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA).
I came to say Happy #Festivus to my friend Elizabeth Warren. Cant find her. pic.twitter.com/A4xSJ7Nf7x
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
From there, Paul says it’s “time to talk” about certain people in Washington he has grievances with, “because it’s the holiday season.”
“Let’s start with POTUS I like the President, I honestly do. I know people don’t believe me. But the man seems to have a problem keeping staff around him. But they solved the problem. I went to the White House the other day and there were at least 14 ppl in Mick Mulvaney masks.”
Let’s start with POTUS I like the President, I honestly do. I know people don’t believe me. But the man seems to have a problem keeping staff around him. But they solved the problem. I went to the White House the other day and there were at least 14 ppl in Mick Mulvaney masks. pic.twitter.com/u0nnGWQ7V0
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
Paul then notes that due to the passage of criminal justice reform, “and coming home from wars,” that he must have a lot of influence on Trump. “It it true,” Paul states. “I’m on the phone with him a good amount. But I have to tell you, I haven’t gotten a word in on him in over a year.”
Jared Kushner was up next, whom Paul is glad he “got to know,” because “before that I was a bit suspicious he was the kid for the Omen movie all grown up.”
Speaking of criminal justice reform, I have to give Jared Kushner credit. He was great on this. And I’m glad I got to know him, because before that I was a bit suspicious he was the kid from the Omen movie all grown up.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
Turning to Trump’s border wall – Paul had a suggestion to improve security:
I did something to help the President out though. I found him a wall I think will work on the border. pic.twitter.com/gx7ejwn1RU
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
Next, the good Senator from Kentucky turned to Congress – noting that things “were so bad this week they made my friend Mike Lee say “doggone”. It was nuts.”
Congress has now decided to shut down the government because they aren’t spending enough money. I got suspicious when Ted Cruz came back from Thanksgiving break with that beard. pic.twitter.com/y0r3dpFbbG
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
Lindsey Graham (R-SC) got the treatment next – with Paul joking of Graham’s penchant for conflict “I have to tell you; I haven’t seen a Senator who loves war this much since the Star Wars Prequels.”
I have to tell you; I haven’t seen a Senator who loves war this much since the Star Wars Prequels. pic.twitter.com/UFU242XYQK
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
“Lindsay and I were on the same side on foreign policy for about 5 minutes a few weeks ago, regarding the Saudis. He said it was a sign of “end times”. I guess we are all gonna live a bit longer after all,” Paul added.
On the topic of outgoing Secretary of Defense James Mattis, Paul noted “Many of these people hold these two views: 1 – that it was horrible to leave the war in Syria and 2 – that it is horrible that General Mattis left, since he was what kept the President from starting WWIII or something. I don’t understand how you hold both of those views.”
Neocons!
Paul offered brief condolences to the neocons – as their rag, The Weekly Standard just folded, and Trump just made a decidedly anti-Neocon move with the Syria withdrawal. “I really think their holiday is already bad enough, I don’t want to pile on,” Paul said.
Except – when it comes to National Security adviser John Bolton:
Well, actually…let’s talk about John Bolton. I don’t have a grievance. I just really would have liked to have been in the room when the POTUS told him to END a war. How many times do you think he made the President repeat it because he didn’t even know what the words meant?
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
I hear they’re piping this into his office now for the entire Christmas season. .https://t.co/KLPpLHavSy
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
Paul ends by saying that he and Democrat Cory Booker (NJ) actually found mutual ground on a few issues – such as hemp legalization and criminal justice reforms, which must be “a Festivus miracle because Congress passed and the President signed BOTH of those things this week.”
All kidding aside, they were important, bipartisan reforms that show how Washington CAN work if people from both sides of the aisle get together on things that make sense. I’m proud to have been a part of both.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
