Everybody, when they are young, knows what their personal legend is. They yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them. But as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their personal legend. The mysterious force is a force that appears to be negative, but actually shows you how to realize your personal legend. It prepares your spirit and your will – It’s your mission on earth. To realize it is a person’s only real obligation. And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. — The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
What does it take to be truly happy in life? Is it absolutely necessary to have a lover or a partner in life in order to be happy? Why are so many people out there looking, looking, and looking? Is our search for love a part of our yearning for our “personal legend” as reflected by Paulo Coelho? Can we have perfectly satisfying and rewarding lives without a love interest in the center of it?
And, after all, how hard can it be to find someone? Most of us are looking for only one person in our lives, no more. If you think about it, there are more or less the same number of men as there are women in this world, give or take a few (million!). Doesn’t it seem mathematically possible for every man or woman to be able to find a mate and to live together happily ever after? Then why is so hard? Why is it so complicated? Why is it so hard, in fact, that some of us give up the search altogether and choose to live by ourselves, enjoying the occasional date but never committing to another person in a relationship? And a more bizarre question: assuming that you find him or her, does having someone in your life bring you happiness?
As you can see, my mind has been busy with all kinds of questions of late! Having married very young, I was married most of my adult life until I suddenly stumbled into this singles’ world. All my friends tell me how much fun this could be, but accepting all the criticism and disdainful looks and labels (you know, “too Irooni,” “too Americanized,” “suffering from a generational gap,” etc.), I admit this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life–dating, well, actually, just looking! What is there to enjoy, really? The process could get so complicated, surreal, and painful, after each try it takes months to contemplate another!
Talking to my friends and those around me, I have come to an amazing discovery. Though most of them are quick to give me advice about “going for it” and “enjoying it,” almost everybody seems to be hurting when it comes to relationships. The problem isn’t limited to me and my age group, thank God, albeit in a wicked way! Some of my friends have been telling me their struggles with their searches for “the one.” Regardless of their gender, age, or socio-economic backgrounds, even the most popular and good-looking ones seem to be hurting. Should we all give it up altogether? I don’t know.
The really sad thing is that single people aren’t the only ones hurting over relationships. Some of my friends who are in advanced stages of relationships with a partner, some who are in committed relationships, and some who are married seem to be struggling with their relationships, some still searching for “the one!” To my chagrin, I am too frequently taken into confidence by my seemingly committed friends about their crushes on other people, some not content with a simple crush in their heads, stepping into action about these attractions, rushing back to share their feelings of guilt and misery with me later. Though naive, it has been a personally devastating discovery for me that being married these days does not mean that people will stay married. It seems everybody hurts in a different way.
Over the coming weeks, I will be showing you some things I have been writing recently, portraying the pains of relationships. A couple of them are my stories. Most of them are my friends’ stories. I would like to show you the pieces and invite you to talk about them. Believe me, any insight or help is greatly appreciated by a large, silent population out there!
* From the fairy tale in which a princess reluctantly befriends a frog who magically transforms into a handsome prince after she kisses him.
Visit Nazy Kaviani at http://nazykaviani.blogspot.com
