So, one day, two days ago I left my funniest comment for Faramarz on his Manwich blog, which I immediately noticed deleted/ missing/ not there, whatever… I got so Pissed* that instantly experienced all the following emotions:
1. WTF?! I spent 3 mins typing that comment (leading to #2)
2. Doesn’t JJ have any RESPECT for MY Time?! (at this point I was fuming, ooooh, totally sent to my fight or flight center of my brain, otherwise known as dyno-brain/ limbic system),…. calmed that one down a bit, but then reaction #3 occured
3. Full-blown Narcissistic Wound/ RAGE in Action – WHO Does He/ JJ think HE IS?!! How Dare He (JJ)??!! After being the biggest fan of his site for all those years (probably even added My Life at the end of that sentence)?… I even thought him a Friend?… yada yada yada…
4. Mr. JJ, Deactive Me from your site!,… kinda sounded like “give me back all my photos, memories of my relationship with iranian.com, rambled on and on… (btw all this happened with sound off at home ’cause I was sick with a flu from hell, and my daughter was still asleep, otherwise she’d point out my nonsense outrage). Let’s just say, the poor thing has experienced “it” first-hand,… sometimes reminding me Not to apologize for my anger, “you are entitled to your anger mama, you keep things inside incredibly too long”… She knows. She’s 18 but wise beyond her age. She’s studying journalism.
Speaking of which, back to poor innocent (?) JJ:
5. Is This what HE calls Free Speech???!!! What if I wish to express a genuine bonding moment with another reader (Faramarz that was), should I be censored because I am a) a Woman? b) middle-aged? c) at this point I was too angry to make any Sense… so c could’ve been, I didn’t cook the food he liked at Nazy’s party?!
There were also #’s 6, 7, and 8… but currently do not wish to relive the trauma any longer than I should. Simply put, I do not react well to Anger. I get instant intense headache, followed with throwing up sometimes, I get uncontrollable shiver and chills especially in my extremities (my iranian.com cup fell out of my numb hand, my ringing cell phone dropped on the floor, twice, then I get into hot big drops of tears…. I Said don’t wish to relive the trauma, but Cannot Pretend those never happened either.
What does all this have to do with my wish for 2011 – you May at this point ask?
I declare: 2010 was the Worst year of my life! (besides 1979, of course). Where Frustrations accumulated daily, when images became more deadly and dialogues turned the most desperately confusing and meaningless. So many Substantial moves affected my personal life as badly. At times it felt like experiencing a parallel universe. Events inside Iran, the World, never felt so closely associative and transfered into my personal life. Enough said.
I wish us All to have one Better 2011 – with many Positive, Heartwarming Resolutions. Inside and outside of ourselves. But mostly inside, that is where it all begins. Michael Jackson sang it in “The Man in the Mirror”, ages after Molana and Khayyam delighted us with the big Wisdom… and as Zohreh Ghahremani mentioned a “portable spiritual place” in one of her articles,… I hope we all find our near-perfect place of serenity in our minds and hearts. Where we can voluntarily tap into trust, joy, warmth and love… Then take it with us, no matter were we go in life…
One place I am taking mine, is Argentina and a U2 concert :o)
yeah yeah jj, i will blog that one, even if it won’t come anywhere close to yours or others on your Wonderfully Liberating site. Also, JJ Jan, (your travel requirements – allowing) Would you please add a nice peaceful photo for this blog, if you do feature it and IF you’re not totally rightfully turned off by my rants of the other day? 😀
* in real life, i could show those symptoms oh about dozen times, but way more in 2010.
