It is a strange and daunting task, preparing yourself for a loved one's death. Not death, I was wrong to use that term. I promised myself I wouldn't. Death refers to the extinguishing of a flame. She could never die.
I sit in a room, surrounded by four walls. They are empty. The posters of Daei and Azizi are gone, so are the paintings, and the thumb-tacked photographs and keepsakes. The white-washed giants are caving in on me, I close my eyes and begin to gently run my fingertips along the necklace that lays heavy against my chest. It's a slow and steady caress, my fingernail scrapes along the fragile glass. Enclosed within the glass piece around my neck that is dangling from a thin gold chain, are Arabic letters. “Allah” it says, in gold. God.
I keep twisting the charm around and around. It was hers. She gave it to the woman who gave it to me. It means something. It comes from a time when faith and conviction also used to mean something. Cynics did not rule the earth. Miracles did happen.
She was bright and sparkly, like the diamonds I am staring down at. I keep feeling around and a warmth fills my being. She was the pure one, the innocent one, the one who guided me to my faith. She is as valuable as the God I worship. And she is leaving us, laying in that hospital bed, half the world away. Nesfe jahan away…
I think of the innocent days of my youth when she and he would come to visit us. This America was a great place, but it divided us from the ones who loved us best. We made a home, a life for ourselves, yet we never stopped comparing it with the land we left behind. Her dream was to come to us. Iran was nothing to her if we were here and she there, alone.
So we started the process. Immigration, a pain in the ass. Is it true that it takes an Iranian 444 days to get a greencard? What an irony. Where have I heard that? ….
And so we waited while she got worse. And then, as the doctors kept her in that hospital, the papers came. The light at the end of the tunnel. Now, a week later, she is home, on the road back to health. The illness they said was eating away at her has disappeared. Our prayers were too strong to it to conquer. And I talk to her now, and we plan the future. Maybe things will be ok after all, maybe miracles do happen to ordinary people.
I wanted to share this with everyone I knew because it is true. I am not good at writing about people I know and so I chose not to name names or anything like that. I have never asked anything from God, but one day I realized that there was no harm in praying and asking some higher power for a little push.
aybe it was a coincidence that everything happened all together or maybe its true that he works in mysterious ways. No matter what, I am now a true believer. Happy September everyone!
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