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Praise for Gibson's passion
Almost news

March 2, 2004

Tehran, IRNA - Iran's supreme leader today called Mel Gibson's "The Passion of Christ", the best spectacle he has seen since last week's stoning of an infidel.

At a shock press conference in Tehran, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei stood on a podium, behind a huge poster of portraying Jesus Christ, and remarked on the millennium's most controversial film.

Khamenei started off by praising Gibson as a cultural figure parallel to Iran's own Hafez. He then proceeded to go through Mel Gibson's filmography stating facts such as, "I could tell from his performance as 'Mad' Max Rockatansky, in the post-apocalyptic future, that he was a great man. He reminded me of myself in that film".

Supreme leader Khamenei then stated that "[Gibson] has continually battled for the truth" showing "England's despicable politics in films such as 'Braveheart' and 'The Patriot'".

When pressed on why he had called this press conference, Khamenei commented that the protests that have erupted around the film, such as the ones seen "outside the Zionist haven of Times Square" were typical Israeli tactics of "always wanting to be the victim" and "justifying their evils, against the Palestinians". He pleaded with his Israeli counterpart, Ariel Sharon to see the film for its "artistic beauty".

He then ended the press conference by saying that he "loved the film" and that he and the Islamic Republic of Iran, "give it, our full backing". He added, "I give it two thumbs up" and proceeded to do the thumb action while smiling and showing a full set of black teeth. As a shocked audience of Iranian press gasped, he pirouetted off the stage, whistling the "Lethal Weapon 2" theme-song.

But the conference was not yet over. Iran's supreme leader suddenly stopped in his track, wheeled around and ran back up to the podium. Grabbing the microphone violently he then told the audience he had "one more thing to add. I give Israel one thumbs up! BILAAKH". He waved his right hand, fist clenched, thumb extruding vertically, while laughing and muttering "bilaakh" to himself.

In an unrelated piece of news, infamous ex-Death Row rapper, Snoop Doggy Dogg held an impromptu press conference in San Francisco. The rapper, porn mogul and part-time actor was flanked by 20 gay men who had recently been wed in San Francisco.

Snoop, holding up a pimp glass toasting with Richard Fiddler, the 30-year-old homosexual rights activist, held a brief press conference/photo opportunity.

Commenting on the recent gay marriages being held in San Francisco and New York, Snoop said: "Yet again the West Coast has set the precedizzle (precedence) and y'all East Coast haters have to follow".

Slinging the West Coast gang sign on his right hand, while 20 rampantly camp homosexuals mimicked, Snoop shocked the audience by not attacking gay marriages, but rather attacking the East Coast and specifically New York, for always trying to "copy the West Coast Stylizzle (Style)." New York had started to grant marriage licenses to gay couples a few days after San Francisco.

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By Amir Nooriala



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