| November 24, 2003
Bush in London
THE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO GREAT BRITAIN
That's this itty bitty country due east of the States where folks
talk kinda weird, Mr President
By Ruki Sayid And Damien Fletcher
Daily Mirror
November 17, 2003
1, LONDON is the capital
of the UK which is an independent country and
not your 51st State.
2, OUR Sovereign is Queen Elizabeth II (that's pronounced second
not
eleven). You must not put your arm around her and call her "honey" or "
l'il lady". She is to be addressed as "Your Majesty" or "Ma'am" at
all times.
3, HER eldest son is called Prince Charles not "Chuck".
Don't talk to
him about butlers, valets or ask him if he's seen any good videos.
4, WHEN you sit down to a state banquet you use the cutlery starting
from the outside. Big Mac and fries won't be on the menu.
5, THE RAF won the Battle of Britain not Tom Cruise or Bruce
Willis.
6, WE live in a democracy and as such have the right to demonstrate
so
if your route is lined with thousands of anti-war protesters, don't
ask for them to be extradited to Camp X-ray.
7, WE say trousers
not pants - unless of course we are referring to
your foreign policy.
8, WILLIAM Shakespeare, our greatest playwright,
wrote Romeo and Juliet, not Zefferelli. Don't ask to meet Will
- he's dead.
9, BE sure to register for the congestion charge when
your motorcade drives through London or mayor Ken Livingstone will
hit you with
a £40
fine for every car.
10, WE put milk in our tea, not ice, have toast
not waffles for breakfast and walk on the pavement not the sidewalk.
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