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Carpet dealer diplomacy
What the West fails to understand is that Iranians are much talk and little else. They are carpet dealers not warriors.


February 28, 2007

Everywhere you turn these days there is talk of war with Iran.  Ever since the Islamic Revolution of ’79 there has never been a time when a military strike, by the U.S or Israel, seemed more probable.  I have very mixed feelings about this possibility stemming from a mixture of vengefulness, self-interest and common sense. 

There are very few people who would stand to directly benefit from a regime change in Iran as much as yours truly. It would mean the revival of my chance to recuperate my rather significant confiscated patrimony which at this time in my life I need more than I do a country or a sense of identity. 

Also, I simply hate Islamist ideology because of its unbalanced and outdated view of women.  I don’t have any nationalistic feelings for Iran beyond supporting the football team. I am a feminist of the old school--a freedom loving hippie of sorts who believes that ‘nationalism’ is a  19th century Western concept with no place in a world that is this technologically advanced.

Nationalism is as archaic and outmoded as the notion that women should stay at home. So I really have no love for Iran per say.  For her culture yes, for chelo-kabob yes, but for the actual cat shaped entity some one decided to call something: no. I firmly believe in Virginia Woolf’s claim that, “a woman’s country is her body.”  

In Iran where my blood price is half of a man’s that statement written decades before gay marriages where common in the West makes a lot of sense today. As far as I am concerned let us be a colony but make my blood price equal. I will give my allegiance to anyone who will make my blood price whole even if he or she doesn’t speak my beautifully poetic mother tongue.  So no gooey sentimental feelings here for Iran rather a real desire and even need to see a regime change.   

I ask myself once again as I have so many times since 9/11 would I welcome an American or Israeli attack on Iran?  My mother lives there as do my bothers not to mention many dear friends.  But that alone is not enough for me to push aside my yearning to see these Mullahs out of power before I die!  No, what stops me from wanting an out right attack on Iran is pragmatism.

It just won’t work.  It will simply not bring about a regime change.  No, on the contrary it will strengthen the regime.  Just like the war with Iraq did shortly after the Revolution. A strike against Iran will give the regime moral stature just when it is facing financial difficulties. 

Only if there is an outright invasion would the regime change. But after Iraq even this regime of Mullahs seems a better prospect than American occupation. We all now know that American occupation instantly renders Islamists of all colors more popular and powerful. As much as I would love to get back my property in Iran I cannot wish her a predicament like that of Iraq’s! 

It was obvious from the start that Ahmadinejad was out to pick a fight with the West. To give him that is simply stupid. The best thing to do with the decisions makers of this regime is to treat them like the fight-picking adolescents that they are: ignore them! Sanction them to hurt the pocket of the bazaaris who will in turn put pressure on the regime. But don’t give them what they want.  They want a war.  If you give it to them it will legitimize their stubborn bellicosity. Leave them alone and they will have to answer the socio-economic needs of Iranians and sooner or later, when they repeatedly fail to deliver, the people will get rid of them or make them change. It may take a while but so what? Surely Iran is far from being a global military threat.

Anyone who has bought an Iranian made car can tell you that those supposed medium and long range missiles will sooner fall on Tabriz than Tel-Aviv mostly due to a blessed lack of perfectionism that permeates the culture.  I say ‘blessed’ because what keeps this regime from being true fascists is that they don’t have the work ethic of the Germans!  No one on that Qods force they make such a big deal about is as scary to behold as a California State Police trooper in the rear mirror walking up to your car.  Iran is simply not a threat to Israel or the U.S despite the relative success of Hezbollah against Israel. 

What the West fails to understand is that Iranians are much talk and little else. They are carpet dealers not warriors.  If you take all the suicide bombers that have taken their own lives to kill others since 9/11 you will find almost no Iranians amongst them.  They are not like their proud Arab neighbors who will fight to their last drop of blood.  No, Iranians are for the most part businessmen and most of them can be bought. Threaten their pockets and they will talk.  Walk out that carpet store and they will come running after you with a lower price! Comment

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Shahla Azizi


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