April 22, 2005
Dare I say it? Ah, fuck it, I am sick of 6/8. What was a hot
bouncy beat in '78 has steadily become a drill straight into
my brain, and I'm sorry but I just can't take it anymore! When
are we going to be honest with the outmoded LA machine, the un-namables
regurgitating the crap musical diarrhea they force us to buy?
Next Big Idea"
since cheap CD burners can also burn cheap DVDs, they have now
struck on packaging crap music with even crappier music videos,
mostly cranked out by another un-namable enigma of bad Iranian
pop videos, the one that sounds like Korean ice cream.
am sick of the same videos of the fake brooding singer walking
along the same dusty railroad tracks, or the same cliff overlooking
the ocean, now they have these team singers who can't sing individually,
but somehow we're supposed to believe that together they can
become a duo sensation! It's like a Wham UK! nightmare that never
ends! All as the same 4 hotties shake it shake it shake it? Hello?
Is that all you got? Can't you tell a story at least?
Director", we all know you borrowed the Bentley from your
car dealer friend in Tarzana. the luxury home with the pool from
your other friend who is a real estate agent. And just so someone
tells you this, a used Bentley is a cheap Rolls! Also, the only
thing that putting a singer in the back of a Hummer limo means,
is that you scraped together the whopping 80 bucks to rent one!
Woohoo! Such wealth! Such class!
songwriters have to shoulder equal blame for the crimes being
committed these days in the name of Pop. Are these old men who
like those ancients in the miniature paintings, having finally
reached the beautiful faeries of their dreams, only to have lost
their, shall we call "will" power, now forever exiled
to only think of love's betrayal and woe.
anyone write about something other than how devastating the girl's
eyes or eyebrows are, or how cruel she is to the boy, or how
various internal organs burn for just one look from her, or how
everything is like wings of a butterfly, or a dove? Lucky for
these bastards, I don't care enough to know any of their names.
So you live to die another day!
the talent! People please, can you hold to some miniscule speck
of pride principle and stop whoring yourselves to the shortsightedness
and outright stupidity of the "labels". If one can
even resist the gag reflex to call them that. If you had a single
un-coiffed brain amongst you, you would walk out against these
pirates. Or better yet, here's an idea! Start your own music
label! These vultures have done nothing but steal other peoples'
work and keep the artists and the state of Iranian pop music
stagnant, slowly rotting it away for 25 years. Rise up! Damn
the Man! And here's a new rule, if you don't come from Khuzestan,
you can't do a Bandari song, OK?
I had 2 nasty disappointments in a row, which caused me to invoke
the "enough is enough!' clause. The latest album by Mansour
and one by Leila Forouhar.
am not an animal, I am an actor!"
album "Farari" is apparently supposed to be another
attempt at some sort of film role vehicle. Something to get us
to think of him as an actor, I guess. Not only does it not do
that, but this is not even a decent music album either.
get me wrong, I love Mansour. I thought those techno remixes
on "Zendegi" and "Yeki Bood, Yeki Nabood",
and "Bezan Berim" were equal to any of the catchiest
euro-fag-tripe. More please! You had something nice going.
the video (yes it's the same name), Mansour is playing this prisoner
who tries to escape and yes, is shot right at the end. I think
Darioush did one a few years back along the same lines. Infinitely
I think Mansour could very well become an actor. Certainly on
TV, I mean if they're hiring Omid Djalili, Catherine Bell and
Shohreh Aghdashlou, there's got to be some terrorist role for
Mansour, right? He could easily play the part of the "handsome
olive skinned middle eastern guy". Plus, he's got that whole
Lou Diamond Phillips thing going. If he would shave. Dude, the
beard's not coming out right, get rid of it.
from the title song "Farari" (The
Fugitive, now that's original!) I wanted to "Farar" myself.
The problem was I was on the freeway and jumping out of my truck
at 70 miles an hour is somewhat problematic, if not cinematic.
But it would have made a better video. Mansour screams "farari-am,
farari, farari-am, farari!" so many times in this song,
it literally makes you want to fling the CD out of the window.
Which is littering. Which I would gladly pay the fine to do.
On "Azadi" (Freedom),
the intro starts out OK, and for a small minute you think it's
going to be another terrific techno tribute. But the song never
goes anywhere, and although there is a definite need for a youth
anthem, and it is obvious where this one is being pointed at,
the lack of a good hook makes this another dud.
whole sludge of songs that follow, Arezoomeh, Doorooghgoo, Yadeteh,
Shirin, Mara Beboos, and Eidi Nadaram, well you get the idea.
We're right back into the whole overdone self pity thing. I love
her, but she doesn't know I exist. Blah blah blah. Pretty pathetic.
Beboos", there is an opportunity to do something new with
a classic, a favorite. But once again this effort never goes
anywhere. The whole album comes up short in so many ways, that
it chips all it's teeth on the edge of the curb.
is better than this. This is either a fluke, or a sign of real
danger. We'll have to wait and see what he comes up with next.
Excuse me, I mean, what he is told to come up with
Leila Forouhar's latest "product". Entitled "Yek
Boos", this album cover, like all of the newer ones nowadays
insists on translating the trite Farsi titles into English, which
wouldn't be so bad except the translations are apparently made
by idiots who "think" they know "eengeleesi".
one is entitled "A Kiss", which while grammatically
correct, unfortunately isn't the right translation. It should
actually be "One Kiss". But who's counting? I guess
has been riding the fence of being a slut or a saint for years.
Sometimes she's sweet and sometimes she's spicy. I like the sweet
saintly Leila the best. I think she actually looks hotter than
when she's trying to be the spicy slut. This album isn't so bad
except that I want to hunt down and kill the keyboardist who
keeps competing with her for the lead in virtually every song.
pal, just because your keyboard comes with fake sounds, it doesn't
mean you actually have to play every single one! Give us a break!
Just play the keyboard like a keyboard. Trust me, everyone knows
there isn't a full string section, and regardless what the user
manual and tech support at Yamaha says, we can tell it isn't
a real violin, harmonica, flute, or accordion.
Toe Taghdim Mikonam" no really that's the way they
spelled it, I guess it's some sort of foot fetish, Leila does
this really weird funeral aria or something, that is just,
well, really strange. As you begin to process this, there is
this "lalalalala" attempt at a hook that sounds like
one of those weird Japanese songs for those really weird Japanese
cartoons. Then, the intrusion of the ass keyboardist again,
this time not so slyly disguised as an 80's guitar solo. Hey
Clapton, give it up already!
a few more "Toe"s, one more moronic than the next.
A fake saxophone this time, and, wait for it, get your drills
out, now press them to your foreheads, here it comes, (trans.) "without
you I am a hostage, with you I am free, without you I'll die!".
It makes you want to take yourself hostage, then kill yourself.
is hope though, on "Hagheteh" (You deserve it, should
actually be You deserve That) you do get something that
is somewhat fresh, if sounding a bit similar to an 80's Pat Benatar
effort. But here they've ruined what could have been a fun song
with the use of sad love song lyrics once again. It's a finger
snapping toe (no pun intended) tapping, ultimately happy song.
And once again thanks to the ridiculous keyboarding, you can't
have managed to throw everything into this album, the fake Spanish
guitar, the fake techno drums, the fake voice box trick, I think
they even used that thing that makes you seem like you are singing
your own back up vocals. Horrible. Looks like computer programming
is not as dead as one would hope.
best part of this album is the part right at the end, where the
Forouhar, like Mansour is much better than this. She has "the
pipes". She stands out, she's not trying to be like Googoosh,
which is actually a good thing these days. But unfortunately
still, this type of album has become somewhat of a trademark
for her. Weirdness, a strange idea as to what makes a hook, wrong
lyrics for the wrong song, and always that decision she makes
you make, Slut or saint?
2 albums make me avoid buying Iranian Pop too often. Maybe I'll
go download some Iranian Pop music from iTunes instead of buying
a whole album unheard, at least you can preview the songs before
you buy them. Oh wait, what was I thinking! You can't do that
because the LA music labels haven't figured out how to rape us
it, it's too depressing, I'll just troll the peer to peer sites
for free. Anybody got anything good to listen to?