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Marriage advice
Why some work and some don't


Mahnaz Zardoust-Ahari
January 4, 2006

Marriage is a two way street. If you treat your partner with respect and are honest with them (yes it does hurt sometime) you are one step ahead of a lot of people. The ones who have no respect or continuously lie to each other (no it can be about anything not just the big ones the little ones hurt too) have no hope for a future of love and happiness. They will either continue to live this way or end it in divorce after two or three kids and God only knows how many affairs. If they do stay together they begin to resent one another and then the snide remarks start.

It really bothers me when I see women cutting down the men they have married and most have been married to for a long time. Or vice versa when the man turns around cutting their wife down making them ashamed in public or even in front of their children. I wonder why they even bother staying married if they despise each other so much. The women laugh and make fun of them then they cry, rant and beg for them to come back after the same man goes and has an affair with another women and the men start to become more and more distant eventually going and betraying his wife. It is like a never-ending circle. Like they can't make up their minds whether or not they want to be with the other.

I have seen a lot of marriages end because either they got married on the basis of physical attraction or the fact they 'thought' they were in love. A lot of my friends that have been married are now divorced for the very same reasons. They thought they were in love and come to find out when they got married and lived together for awhile they find out what it truly means to be 'married'. When they find this out they then want out. They don't want the 'pressure' or the 'commitment' even though they took that vow.

I thought for a long time that it was just western marriages but I have noticed since I've been married to my husband, all nationalities are the same. It seems that the couples lose that emotion that brought them together in the first. It then turns into resentment then eventually into disgust and hate. The smart ones get a divorce but never seem to be satisfied even if they do get married again. The others go on living together like this for the rest of their lives. Either way it is a sad, sad way to live your life.

It comes to a point where the couple has to make a decision. Do they really love one another or was it just physical? Do I want to be with this person for the rest of my life? Can I be honest and trustworthy to this person? Can we truly love one another? Can I always be there (in spirit if not physically) for this person? These questions among others should be asked before you take that leap into commitment. They have to be honest with themselves as well as their respective other. If they can do this they will have a wonderful life.

I didn't say it would be easy; believe me it's not. You will have arguments, there will be times you probably will be very hurt. But in the end you will make it as long as you don't go out to seek revenge against the other. That is the biggest mistake you could ever make and you will regret it. You will begin to hate yourself as well as your spouse. Try to work it out and if you can't walk away. Just always be honest. Honesty is the key!!

Not all marriages are like this; in fact a lot of marriages do stand the test of time even though there is a lot of arguing and fighting (though the making up is fun). When they do and if honestly still enjoy each other's company then you know you've got it made. I am fortunate, I have been married for seven years and it feels as if we just met every time we see one another. He is a wonderful husband and father. He gives me and does everything I need. I could not ask for more. We have built our life on the simplest principle, 'we are honest to one another'. We never have lied to the other since the day we got married. Now we have had some very good arguments (but as I said before it is fun to make up) and sometimes we have to agree to disagree. In the end, we both know we will be together till the end.

I truly think that if people were honest with their respective other they would have less problems. Honesty is the road less traveled but if more people went that way there would be less divorces, less problems. Honesty does not only mean telling the truth if asked something, it also means when you go somewhere without your spouse you are 'honest' or 'trustworthy' enough that you won't lie or cheat on your other.  If you can live by this simple idea, you will have a wonderful life. That doesn't mean that all problems will be solved, it just means that no new ones will come up because of a lie.

For letters section
To Mahnaz Zardoust-Ahari

Mahnaz Zardoust-Ahari


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