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Watch out
Pointers for doing "God's work"

By Shahriar Zangeneh
September 12, 2001
The Iranian

The identity of the brainwashed monsters and their sponsoring group/country has not been officially announced. I would like to take this opportunity to pass along some pointers to their brethren impatiently awaiting their chance to do "God's work". And also pass along some basic facts of life.

1- If you are tired of killing, maiming and whipping your own subjects, take a breather. It is not nice to kill people you don't control. Westerners tend to distrust and dislike mass-murderers.

2- By killing on this scale, before long, you will run out of innocent victims and then have to be content with just killing your subjects again.

3- To check on the sincerity of your "spiritual" leaders, next time, ask one of them to accompany you on your mission. Don't be surprised if they come up with an excuse of a doctor's appointment.

4- If you are truly fighting "oppressive infidels, don't use their ungodly airplanes. The prophets did not fly, why should you?

5- Use vintage weapons of the era you are so much in love with, i.e. swords and nail-studded clubs.

6- If you know how to fly -- apparently you do -- get a job at an American carrier, and intentionally delay take-off and landings to piss off "infidels" more than you can imagine. You can sit in the comfort of your airconditioned cockpit and savour the moment -- and get paid for it too, in dollars.

7- While you are in America planning your divine duty, take a look around, you might just find a gorgeous blond who has the hots for you. That would negate any reason for "martyrdom" and the promised hoors in the afterlife.

8- If a ghalmaan is more of you cup of tea, as is with most of your leaders, don't despair. There are plenty of those around too, it is a free country, check out Castro St.

9- If it is at all possible for you to use your gray matter for once in your life, do so.

Now a few facts of life.

1- All the burly Marines were itching for a chance you just handed them. They've not forgotten the car bomb attack on their barracks in Beirut in 1982. They are lean, mean, fighting machines. And guess who is on their mind?

2- Americans by in large are not a vengeful lot, but when you go too far, watch out and duck for the rest of your miserable life.

3- If you really want to force America to do what you like, do like your nemesis does. Lobby the Congress. By using murder as your modus operandi, you are just making their lobbying job much easier. The money you spent on this operation alone could have bought you a few votes.

4- Americans are like that old wrist watch commercial. They take a licking but keep on ticking. Their resiliency has been tested time and time again to the embarassment of your lot.

Finally, look at the world's reaction. If you had any friends before, don't count on them returning your phone calls. Even France is not going to let your lot out of her prisons anymore for an oil deal. Ghaddafi was amongst the first to send condolences and The Maximum Leader of a certain country has developed a case of sudden laryngitis.

As for your cause, whatever it is, get it out of your head, it is not going to happen.

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