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A very big deal
I thought I had committed a serious crime and gotten away with it

January 15, 2003
The Iranian

After seeing "
I finally decided to go for it", I thought it would be fun to share this email sent to a friend a year ago, about my first kiss.

It was the last night of summer camp at John Gardner's Tennis Ranch in Carmel Valley (northern California, near Monterey). The counselors had organized a dance in the cafeteria, as they did every Saturday night, for the young teenage boys and girls.

I was 14 at the time (1976). She might have been my age or a year younger. A bit shorter. An attractive, long-haired blond. Cute triangular face. Certainly not shy. She wore white pants and a light-colored, tight, short-sleeved top that perfectly molded her breasts.

I liked to dance and I had been to many dances in Abadan, my hometown. But this was the first time a girl had asked me to dance. I was thrilled and startled at the same time. We danced to Elton John's "Saturday Night's Alright" and KC and the Sunshine Band's "Shake your booty".

She (I don't remember her name) suggested we step out for a while. It was dark. A bit cool. We sat cross-legged on the grass next to a tree, close to the cafeteria, but far enough not to be heard, or easily seen.

I don't remember what we talked about. I only remember that I was not sure why I was there, and why she wanted to talk to me. I did not mind it at all. I was just disoriented, confused. I had never been alone with a girl who was interested in me. I had had crushes on girls in Abadan; played "shah-o-malakeh" (king and queen) with female friends and relatrives. But this was a whole new experience. And I had no idea what to do.

Poor girl. She probably thought, "What's wrong with this guy? Why doesn't he DO something?" So she took the initiative. I guess she realized that it was her last night of "freedom" away from her parents and she had to make things happen -- fast!

After half an hour of useless chat, she looked to see if anyone was around. "Let's go for a walk," she said. My heart-rate rose several notches. I felt something was going to happen, but not sure what exactly. We walked towards one of the dorms and stood behind a wall, in total darkness.

Did she start kissing me? Probably. It was my first "real" kiss...

How did it feel? Exciting. Strange. Terrifying. It was not as delicious as kisses in movies appeared to be. The softness of her lips, moisture, hard/sharp teeth, slippery tongue, heavy breathing, scent of her skin, all created sensations that were entirely new to me. How much pressure do you apply? I didn't know. What do you do with your hands? I wasn't sure. What do you do next?

Before I could think about that last question, a bright light hit our face. "Time for bed. Go back to your dorms," said a counselor holding a flashlight. And as fast as a flash of light, I ran. I ran away. I was so scared. Terrified that I had been "caught" kissing.

I jumped into my bunk bed, pulled the blanket over me, and shook in fear all night. I thought I was going to be dragged to the camp office and punished. My parents would kill me. The police would hang me. The world would come to an end...

The world didn't end. Nobody cared. Nothing happened. I woke up in the morning thinking I had committed a serious crime and gotten away with it.

I collected my belongings and stood with all the other kids, waiting for my relatives to come and take me home. I looked around to see if I could find my partner in crime. She was walking out of her dorm. I went toward her, with hesitation. I didn't know what to do or say. She was upset. She felt I had abandoned her the night before. I had not even said goodnight.

I didn't understand. How could she blame me for running away? Where I came from, kissing was not cool. Especially not between two adolescents. Our parents and society had constantly warned against it. For her, kissing was not necessarily "cool". In America, kissing was not a huge deal. It was naughty, at worst.

She had good reason to be upset...

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By Jahanshah Javid




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