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Look, we're just as poor
A brilliant solution to America-bashing!

September 16, 2003
The Iranian

I believe I have just come up with a perfect solution for America's image problem abroad. No, this is not something that finds its way into your mailbox over the Internet. It's original composition. Hear me now, listen to me later.

The immediate action that must be taken is this. Redirect CSPAN feed and broadcast it globally so everyone can see the mess that CFOs and CEOs have created in this country. Present to all the poor people in the proverbial Arab Street, and other America-hating countries, the charts and graphs that show what the fat cats of America are doing to the lean
cats of America.

Emphasize the fact that more than $100 billion have evaporated from the US economy in just the past two years. Explain how an economy that boasted a surplus of half a Trillion dollars just three years ago has plummeted to where it is now by that much in the red. Express bewilderment at how three million jobs have beenn lost to the mismanaged abyss that is the US economy.

And then watch the birth of miracle before your eyes.

Watch how the militants the world over will squint their eyes, scratch their unkempt beard, and look at each other as if to say "what's he talking about?" Then observe how they will hate us less and love us more after this. Especially if it is explained to them that no one will ever fully understand how the economic meltdown happenned

I think they'll love us even more when they are shown there's really no money in any of the nooks and crannies of our system. That we're just as poor as they are, but infinitely better at the bluff, and exceptionally competent at dodging creditors. Seriously tell them how, to borrow a line form Billy Crystal, it is more important to look good than to feel good.

Isn't something along that line in the Iranian verbiage? How do we say, to redden one's cheeks with slaps? Isn't that the American way? Show America-haters the books on house mortgages, car loans, school loans and second home mortgages, and credit card debts that Americans are losing sleep over.

In all this, the message is clear, isn't it? Why blow us up, Osama, when we are digging ourselves deeper and deeper in holes that keep getting bigger and bigger? We're not dumb, we just don't get it why

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By Massud Alemi



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