Beat this
Bride from Iran
September 19, 2003
The Iranian
Dear Mom and Dad,
I am writing you to thank you again
for sending me a wife from Iran.
Maryam, oh no I mean Marjan, has fulfilled all my desires. The
short, ugly
and bald Iranian that I am, there is no way anyone in
their right mind here in America would want to live with me.
Mom, thank you for your advice because she did indeed listen
to me. I told
Marjan what you told me to tell her, that she is inferior to
me and that she
is here in America only to take care of me.
The first day Marjan
arrived, I
made her take off her scarf because I did not want to embarrass
myself in
front of the neighbors. She refused so I had to slap her around,
although she
constantly cried for the next three days. But it did not bother
me since I
closed the door on her so I would not have to hear her.
She is not a bad cook but she forgets that I do not like carrots.
So to
truly make my point across I had to yell at her and again, unfortunately,
I let her have it. I specifically told her that if I taste
carrots in my stew
again, I would kick her out onto the streets where she
would be homeless
for the rest of her life.
Marjan has also been bothering me for
a Green
Card so that she can take classes at a community college and
get a job. I told her not to worry about the Green Card because
for the rest of her life
she will be taking care of the house and the kids. Also,
the
lawyer fees are getting too high and the paperwork
is too thick and complicated.
Mom, you might be thinking that Marjan is annoying me but don't
worry
because I am so busy with my friends.
After work,
I go to the gym and afterwards my co-workers and I go to the
bar for drinks. So I get home very late but there's some time left
for her to give me the kind of pleasure no girl has ever given
me in my entire life.
Marjan has been asking me for money and I have explained to her
know that I would only give
her money if she performs extra tasks, like washing my cars,
cleaning my garage, and of course kinky sex -- the kind I
always wanted
from a girl. In fact I must tell you, she is making most
of her money from the latter.
Meanwhile, Marjan has asked me to teach her how to
read and speak
English. But I know that if I do, then
she will read these American books and might start having
feminist ideas and
start talking crazy to me.
Anyways, I have to stop writing because Marjan is crying
in the other room. I think she itching for another round of beating.
Love,
Your son Afshin
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