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Christmas

Santa at the border
With your long beard and your strange brightly-colored costume, you practically have 'Fanatical Muslim' tattooed on your forehead!

By Niki Tehranchi
December 24, 2003
The Iranian

-- "Passport!"

-- "Errrr... I don't have one my child..."

-- "Hmpph!!! Another refugee uh? Well them show me your travel document."

-- "I... I am sorry sir, I don't know what you mean. You want to see my itinerary?"

-- "Awfergedsake... Did you eat your passport in the plane? Are you another one of those applying for asylum?"

-- "Plane... Why no... I ... I didn't come by plane... See... There's this couple of reindeers that I... "

-- "Well if you didn't come by plane, did you try to jump the fence eh? Thought you could smuggle in through Tijuana and hide a couple of kilos under your hat. Take off your hat Sir!"

-- "Ummm... errr... This is most unusual... Here, see? Nothing under my hat? I carry all my presents in my duffel bag."

-- "Presents? Yeah right! And I suppose you have them all wrapped up and taped..."

-- "Well yes... isn't that how the kids like their presents?"

-- "Listen I don't care about your kids! Step aside, I have to open every single item and inspect them..."

-- "But...but... but you'll ruin the wrapping paper! And the bows!"

-- "Well you should have thought about that before! I mean look at you: With your long beard and your strange brightly-colored costume, you practically have 'Fanatical Muslim' tattooed on your forehead!"

-- "I... I am sorry... I ... I am not a fanatical anything...I swear I..."

-- "Yeah, yeah whatever! Ok you're going to have to come with me, I need your fingerprints and..."

-- "Wha... What?... Why?... Listen my son, you don't seem to understand... I don't have very much time here..."

-- "ARE YOU THREATENING ME SIR? ARE YOU MAKING A THREAT AGAINST OUR NATIONAL SECURITY?"

-- "Nnn... No... Ho Ho Ho... No of course not... I am just trying to explain..."

-- "Yeah well go explain it to the judge, now give me your hands so I can handcuff you..."

-- "Oh...Oooohhh... My goodness... Ohhhh...You are hurting me, these are too tight..."

-- "Keep moving old man, you better hurry up. It's the last of my shift and I gotta get home. Haven't you heard? It's Christmas!"

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