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Whining and Die-ning
Everything sucks these days

By Yek Nafar
May 2, 2002
The Iranian

Doesn't it seem that recently the world in general has taken a turn for the worse and doesn't it look like there is no solution in sight? Whenever we get this down we usually turn to an uplifting inspirational sermon or sooreh or maybe even a beyt from Hafez or Rumi would do the trick. But it doesn't feel like that we can even do that these days.

The good old fashioned heartwarmth of religion has somehow managed to lose it's credibility (and thankfully the control over people) with all the sex scandals, mad sheep following mad prophets, misguided misinterpretation of holy text ("No really it says right here chapter 3 verse 2, ... And the lord said, takest thou thine parrot [crackers be upon him] as thine wife and breed unto him for he hath no speech cept thine to mimic...").

So I pose that we must inevitably turn to ridicule and make fun of it all, to shame those that would subjugate us with fear, intolerance, false shamans whose motives are the lowest form; avarice, wealth and greed. We laugh at you, we see through you, you're rejected!

Let the games begin.

On Homeland [Fatherland] Security:

Tom Ridge, you've been on the job for 8 months and all you have to show for it is a stupid color coded alert status? What are we on now, Code Beige or Puce? I keep forgetting to look at the graph on USA Today. Take your 1977 arab-english dictionary and look up Mashallah! Don't quit your day job buddy.

And how about those baggage inspectors! Now there's a braintrust if I ever saw one. Why is it training day whenever I have to get to my plane? "No Palapnag! I Told you, first turn on the power, then pass the lead lined suitcase with the strange Russian nuclear material markings, through this hole here, see? Mamalog! You're going to get us all fired!"

On the "War" on Terrorism:

Is it over yet? Yes? No? Hello? Anybody home? We're going after them, but don't want to say exactly who or where they are. But we know they're in 97 countries and we know they are in "cells", not the kind we would like them to be in, but we're working on that. We have some of them in custody already don't you never mind them. Also, it's allways handy to have a few innocent ones just to be safe. Keeps the rest of 'em in line. Boy. And give us a couple of your freedoms just in case we need to step on them.

Osama? Oh Mama! No, now wait a minute, we're not going to kill him just yet, because we're not completely funded and the longer he's out there the more Congress let's us spend, so you do the math. Boy.

On the Axis of Evil:

Let's see, you say you want a sound bite? OK bite this. North Korea, Iraq (of course) and uh.... let's see who else... Oh yeah! Iran! There you go! Three bratty countries that we have been directly responsible for creating, and now let's blame them for everything under the hot middle eastern sun. How 'bout them apples! And to show the WWII generation we're still thinking of their votes, we'll call it "The Axis" just for nostalgia's sake. How very Eisenhower-esque!

On the Palestinian Conflict:

Have you noticed that Israel doesn't seem to want to kill Arafat? I used to think it was because they feared the backlash from the Arabs would be too dangerous. But the more I watch this, the more I start to think that they know that if they killed him, they wouldn't have anyone to focus hate on. I mean what would Fat Ass Sharon do? No enemy, no control. I'm not sure who is sicker in this, do the Israelis love torturing the Palestinians? Or do the the Palestinians love being tortured?

And the bounty placed on the heads (paid to the families) of the suicide bombers by Saddam and the other gulf Emirs is a very nice touch. There you go boys, brilliant, that will surely resolve the conflict.

I have a small question, why don't the Palestinians give up, pack up and just move? To Jordan. I mean Jordan is 100% Palestinian right? So why not? Wasn't that why the west created Jordan back in the 40's for anyway? I mean what can there possibly be left to fight for?

Freedom? Trust me there's no such thing. If you got every single concession you wanted you would be right back slaving to Israel's need for cheap labor and you'd be loving those jobs too, to feed your people. Don't think freedom ever put pita bread on the table.

Land? There isn't any left. Israel has all the good Mediterranean beach front property. And just in case you don't know, you're stuck in 50 square miles of filth, sewage and poisons. Not only does it smell, it has absolutely no value. The argument of "Yeah but at least it's mine" is a really weak one, get over it already.

Jerusalem? Listen give it up because a friend of mine works for Disney and let's just say this "Christ's Electric Parade"

Revenge? Okay I'll grant you revenge is a good reason. In a futile sort of way.

On the Visa Ban for Iranians:

I have received no less than six emails from five "non-profit" (but not by choice) groups each competing feverishly to steal each other's email lists to see who can generate the most number of useless signatures (fake email signatures no less!) to show their "opposition" to the recent ban on issuing US visas to Iranians. Let's see how this one works;

We're brave enough to sign a fake petition, hell one of us will even send it (anonymously of course) to a senator, but we're too chicken shit to demand that our own Iranian government declare the following:

"The Balsamic Republic of Iran does not support terrorism outside of Iran (inside is another story). Furthermore the government of the Balsamic Republic of Iran denounces terrorism as only one means to a political end. However being a semite-free republic, we do not impose our views on private citizens, former presidents, assorted clergy and business leaders who may choose to support personal causes with personal funds."

Dummies! Hello! The reason why the US has sanctions against Iran is Iran's fault. If you want to change this you must make Iran stop sponsoring terrorism. Or at least say they don't. I believe all they have to do is have one freakin' molla declare it on Friday and it will be official. I think they even have a form for it in the post office or H& R Block here. Once Iran is off the list then everything can go back to normal. Whatever that is.

Man I can't wait until one day Iran is free and we can all go back home and hate and back stab and cheat and steal from each other in style!


"People keep on learning. Soldiers keep on warring. Powers keep on lying. While your people keep on dying. Teachers keep on teaching. Preachers keep on preaching. Sleepers just stop sleeping! World keeps on turning. But it won't be too long till we reach the highest ground."

- Stevie Wonder

Comment for The Iranian letters section
Comment to the writer
Yek Nafar


A lot of barking
But no real action against U.S. visa restrictions
By Behrooz Parsa

Huge blow
A terrible price to pay for a "feel good" ban on Iranians wishing to visit the U.S.
By Gary Sick

Blanket mistreatment
Iranians guilty until proven innocent
By David N. Rahni

What infuriates people
... is that many American politicians can walk outside in broad daylight and say it's night
By Ali Khalili

Hard to point fingers
Where there is hate, there is a reason
By Ali Khali

Misreading U.S. intentions
American officials do not think of Muslims as a single group
By Lee Howard Hodges

Moral credibility
Palestinians would do well to try a nonviolent strategy
By Lee Howard Hodges

It is not America's moral responsibility to create or foster "free societies" in the Muslim world. This is the responsibility of Muslims themselves
By Lee Howard Hodges

Fear and learning in America
By Robert Fisk

Double standard
Because of its lack of fairness, the US administration will not and cannot be a mediator
By Farhad Radmehrian

Explosive, yet futile
Something more than illegal settlements, poverty and arrogant Isreali soldiers are at work here
By William Baker


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