God I love this station
Rang-a-rang TV is a true paragon of quality, commitment and conscience in media

December 5 , 2005
iranian.com

It's been almost 6 years since Los Angeles-based radios and TVs are broadcasting for Iran. All these years we have been witnessing things that no other nation in this world has ever experienced. We have seen hosts from one station fighting with their competitors using four-letter-words, TV owners begging for money to FREE us from the current regime, artists being lashed out because they had given the advertisement of their upcoming concerts to rival stations, singers, lyricists and composers attack each others over business-related issues and so on. Sometimes these conflicts take place inside a single TV station and one host attacks the other and accuses him of selling his country down the river.

There have been pre-revolutionary soft-porn stars and cabaret dancers in the role of Joan of Arch, trying to teach us how to live better and give us the thorough instruction toward deliverance. Some TVs only promote concerts and do not interfere with political matters but some of them sell creams, pots and slippers in between too. Telephone calls are the essence of their programs and since there is no script or subject to talk about they open the lines and wait for the very first caller to start the conversation.

Also, All these station have at least one psychologist, one video jockey who plays old and new clips, one fortune-teller who tells your luck from Hafez and one tele-shopping program too. Almost all the hosts in these programs lack proper knowledge of their mother tongue to some extent, making all kinds of grammatical mistakes all the time. but all in all, the whole package of Persian satellite TVs are quite entertaining and people inside the country like me who previously used to get so angry about their behavior have gradually gotten used to them.

A TRUE GEM -- IN THE TRASH CAN

Among all these stations, however, there is a brand-new phenomenal TV, a true revolution !!! for international mass media and a real paragon of quality, commitment and conscience!!! Broadcasting from Washington DC, Rang-a-Rang has given new meaning to the concept of broadcasting, setting new standards for the whole profession and I bet it will soon attract the attentions of American major televisions and will be awarded for its innovations and creativity. Please do not smirk at this remark and do not label me as just another jerk. Let me explain its exceptional features one by one and later on you can see for yourself if I was right or wrong.

A REAL ONE-MAN-SHOW

This is the real meaning of a one-man-show since the manager of the station, its producer, director, cameraman and host of almost all the programs are just one person. A multi-talented guy by the name of Mr. Daavar. He even announces the programs and reads the scripts of commercials. He is a completely faceless character since we have never seen his face on TV but sometimes the picture of a middle-aged fat and bald man is shown claiming to be him.

Thus his personal characteristic for me who can only communicate with him through his speeches is limited to his spectacular street accent of LAATI and KOLAH MAKHMALI of the 1960s and 1970s of Tehran. For example phrases like EYVOLLA, DAMETE, NOKARIM, CHAKERIM are his regular emphatic words. People inside Iran know that new generation of LAATs in Tehran do not speak like that anymore and their jargons and accent have drastically changed during the course of the past 25 years. He claims his accent is TEHROONI ASIL!

WHAT IS THIS GOD-DAMNED SCRIPT FOR?

The highly presentable host, never bothers with a particular subject for his shows and does not have any written material to tell his viewers. The name of the Show is VIEWERS WITH VIEWERS and he just opens the phones and asks the viewers to start the conversation. There are a few callers who always call first and talk about a particular subject one after another namely Keyvan, Alireza, Maryam, Behkam, ... The subjects are usually personality assassinations of other TV personalities, singers, politician, ... in short, almost everybody who is anybody. The program lasts for 4 hours and repeated four times in one single day, seven days a week. It means 16 hours a day, 112 hours a week which constitutes exactly two third of their air time. Interestingly enough, if you listen to the program for one week you can easily predict who will be the unlucky victim of their attacks next.

NEW STANDARDS FOR COMMERCIALS

This TV is operated on the budget provided by commercials, but unlike other commercial stations the lengthy talk show and the precious slandering and backbiting of the viewers is not occasionally halted for the advertisement. Instead there is small frame on the bottom of the screen which continually shows the pictures of the goods and events that TV has to promote. WITHOUT SOUND! Just the picture running and looping over and over, and the small phone numbers and venue info hardly seen by a telescope.

NO PICTURE NEEDED EITHER

There is no pictorial report, interview, news coverage ... in this TV. Nothing. Why should they bother with all these expenses when they can easily steal cartoons from Iranian.com and other websites? During the whole show all you can see are a number of cartoons pirated from here and there or maybe made by Mr. Daavar himself, who knows? I told you he is quite multi-talented. Some of the cartoons only deal with shit and toilet, you can see almost everybody sitting bare-assed on a toilet and corny remarks written all around him. Other cartoons are just superimposition of the faces from politicians and musicians over some animal or naked images. Just as simple as that.

ATTORNEY FOR MELLAT IRAN

There is no such word as "friend" or "friendship" in Mr. Daavar's vocabulary. Everybody is an enemy, traitor and thief. Thank God we have Mr. Daavar to tell us who is who, otherwise God knows what would happen to us poor Iranians. There is no political group or agenda that this guy or his TV sees suitable for MELLAT IRAN. He is against, capitalism, socialism, chauvinism, communism, and even religion. He does not prescribe a Monarchy for Iran, nor a republic and thinks both systems are not good enough and MELLAT IRAN should devise a whole new system for their future. Anybody who is somebody should be subdued in one way or another.

Almost all political figures inside and outside the country are either traitors or dummies of super powers. There is no regime or country all over the world that can be considered a friend for MELLAT IRAN. All the known political parties and leaders are treated as enemies. His opponents are not limited to politicians whatsoever. All the other TV personalities in other stations are also among the enemies of MELLAT IRAN and their cartoons are shown regularly when the viewers talk about them. All singers, lyricists, composers, actors, directors and .... both inside and outside the country are not loyal to MELLAT IRAN and should be and will be held responsible for their action before MELLAT IRAN very soon.

This guy is of course a paragon of loyalty himself; for example he takes money from radio Israel to relay its broadcasts and right after that, shows cartoons of Menashe Amir, Director of Radio Israel Persian Service and accuses him of trying to destroy MELLAT IRAN. Nobody has ever asked him why he goes on broadcasting the news prepared and read by Mr. Amir anyway. He was the same guy who introduced and supported Hakha just a few months ago to MELLAT IRAN, now he says Hakha is trying to seduce and decieve MELLAT IRAN. AND HE IS QUITE SUCCESSFUL.

The guy is destroying anybody he wants because he has a microphone before himself and makes money with it. He acts as if he has the mission to belittle all the public figures among Iranian expats and he accomplishes that mission quite efficiently. It is not important for anybody if Mr. Daavar accuses all their prominent compatriots. His LAATI accent and the choice of four-letter-words does not bother Iranian Americans at all. The fact that its ads have no voice does not deter businessmen to deal with him and ask him to run their commercials.

And he gets verbal support and admiration for his nasty behavior too. Just count the number of SAKINE KHANOOM and ROGHIE KHANUM that call his shows everyday. He has numerous supporters and that is the origin of his newly-gained power. He knows his power and he is proud of it. And none of the people who are systematically slimed by him ever dares take him to the court. WOW, don't they live in the USA, a country of ambulance chasers where people sue each other for a small quarrel?

Now don't you think I was right in my claims over the excellence of Rang-a-Rang quality and success?

Just a few days ago I was chatting with a friend in the USA over political issues in Iran when suddenly he started talking about the demonstrations held by the Islamic Republic in support of Ahamdinejad's remarks about Israel's destruction . He was so angry, saying people inside Iran are not informed enough, and why after all these years of persecution and pain, hundreds of thousands still take to the street for the regime?

I told him I do not think Iranians abroad are highly educated either while after all these years of deception and fraud by some charlatan who has specialty in finding new prophets, thousands of people still call him and kiss his hands over the phone. At least people inside the country have never experienced the free air and never know what it is, but freedom was given to Iranian Americans on a silver platter upon their arrival.

You tell me. Which one is less educated?