Watch out for Iranicons
They believe
democracy is something that can cooked faster
in a microwave
June 7, 2004
iranian.com
Behold the rise of a new political creature: the
Iranian-American neo-conservative, better known as the Iranicon. As
arguably the most important election in recent American history
draws closer, I sadly believe some segments of the Iranian-American
community have found role models in an older, more established
immigrant community in the United States; the hardliner Cubans
of Miami (note: not all Miami Cubans are hardliners). In
their unbridled enthusiasm of Bush's take-it-or-leave-it
foreign policy, these Iranians created a new identity for themselves
that eerily reflects some of the less palatable qualities of
their Miami counterparts.
These Iranicons employ a number of now-recognizable tricks:
-- First, they exhibit a willful blindness or amnesia to history
and the brutal, repressive conditions and unfair social conditions
of the Shah's era, and seek to recreate that era in homogenized,
rated PG tones and images of modernity and progress to pave the
way for Junior Pahlavi to come to power.
-- Second, they exhibit the same gharbzadegi that disgusted
the majority of Iranians of all political and social stripes before
and after the Revolution, and have taken it upon themselves to
label anyone not slavishly loyal to US foreign policy or pop culture
as either Communists (with whom they have an inexplicable anal
retentive fixation) or hezbollahi backers of the Islamic Regime. For
them, being All-American is synonymous with being anti-IRI, when
in fact, opposition to the IRI is quite nuanced and diverse, already
exists within Iran, and does not necessarily involve prolonged
American ass-kissing.
-- Third, they threaten, harass, insult, and seek to verbally
smear those who happen to have a better command of the facts and
mechanics
of the written language.
-- Fourth, and more pathetic, they do so from behind false pseudonyms
and fake email addresses because they are either too cowardly or
too inept to make their points convincingly through public debate,
which by the way, is a hallmark of a democracy. I
have received more such threatening emails than I feel comfortable
with, and yet I still have the organs necessary to sign my name
to my own words.
Like their hardliner Cuban counterparts in Miami, these Iranians
insist on voicing their opposition to the current regime controlling
their home country by deliberately distorting and misrepresenting
the facts about their ousted U.S. backed dictators and calling
them defenders of freedom, modernity, and progress.
Like the Cuban hardliners in Miami, these Iranians construct
their memories, views, and political stances based on nostalgia
for the
socio-economic status they occupied under their respective U.S.-backed
dictators (Batista and Pahlavi).
Why? In my view, three possible explanations exist: First
and mostly likely, due to their privileged and insulated social
standing, they are ignorant of what happened during the reign of
their ousted U.S. backed dictators; second, they are aware of what
happened prior to their respective revolutions and are purposefully
obfuscating and rewriting history; or third, perhaps the Miami
and Los Angeles sun has muddled their memories and minds.
Like their hardliner Cuban-American counterparts in Miami, these
Iranians subscribe to the TV dinner theory of democratization;
democracy is something that can be speeded up or cooked faster
in a microwave. When the LA stations were urging people
in Iran to spill into the streets to overthrow the government recently
during student protests, images of Cuban hardliners exploiting
Elian Gonzalez to get publicity for their political benefit came
to my mind; both groups were trying to telemarket another revolution
at the expense of others.
Rather than fault their poor tactics, it is important to look
at their strategy. Iranicons, though they throw the terms
around a lot, have an abysmal understanding of what democracy,
civil society and free media actually look like, as exhibited by
the propagandist programming on their expatriate news and talk
shows. This usually involves bringing an eloquent "expert" onto
the program who presents primarily one side of an issue, ignoring
other possibilities and opinions, and screening or limiting callers
with opposing views in a way that would make Fox News proud.
Lastly, like their Cuban-American hardliner counterparts
in Miami, these particular Iranians plan to vote for George W.
Bush and have developed an almost knee-jerk reaction to social
and political positions different from their own. They
are sycophant-like in their willingness to adopt the Doublespeak
language of the current administration vis-à-vis their respective
countries and assail those who disagree with them.
However, the Iranicon has some of its own, original attributes
that set it apart from other conservative immigrant groups. I
am not sure if it is more funny than tragic, but after September
11th, 2001 I mistakenly believed that Iranian-Americans would play
a pivotal role in helping other Americans understand the history
of illegal, destructive, and criminal actions its government has
embarked on over the past century, beginning in the Philippines
and continuing on through the present in Iraq. This
has not been the case.
Ironically, it seems many Iranians,
the Iranicons in particular, have been among the most eager to
forget their own history and fall into line for the latest American
wars of aggression and intervention, and cry and moan when someone
brings up that little coup d'etat of 1953 or SAVAK-CIA torture
training; they see it as being prisoner to history or 'ignoring
what the Communists or Hitler did.' Additionally, Iranicons are disturbingly intolerant and feel
the need to tell those with whom they disagree that 'they must
update their way of thinking', which I understand to mean
swallow whatever new spin you are fed. Perhaps most
infuriating is the fact that they exhibit little to no trace of
original critical thought and continue to make causal links between
Bush "freeing" Iraq and being a better President for
dealing with Iran. It is as if they don't know
that Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11 (which is what the whole
war on terror was supposedly about); they have forgotten that this
administration lied to get authorization and support to go to war
(see Bush's State of the Union Speech from 2003); and they
have only inflamed and united an Iraqi and Muslim resistance (see
Abu Ghraib photos).
These Iranicons forget that this administration
passed the Patriot Act which led to over one thousand Iranian-Americans
being held in federal custody for being Iranian and takes away
or compromises their civil liberties and right to privacy. Yet
they still believe in Bush because he 'talks tough' on
the IRI. This may have to do with the Iranicon's
intense aversion to facts and empirical data that make him look
naïve and foolish. Basically, the Iranicon is unable
to connect the dots and see the big picture that socio-political
change in Iran, or anywhere for that matter, should not be prescribed
from America.
 Rather than suggesting the candidate to vote for and inventing
that candidate's moral high ground, it would benefit not
just the Iranicons but all Iranian-Americans to form civic advocacy
groups, register to vote, and start writing letters not only to
their representatives, but to the current candidates to push US
officials to start formulating policies that reflect Iranian interests,
rather than the narrow interests of Exxon, Halliburton, Lockheed
Martin, and the Coca Cola Corp. I understand the Iranicon's
reluctance to take such action, because it would cut into his time
to send asinine and threatening emails to people who dare to think
for themselves instead of to the people who make actual policy
decisions.
Finally, if anyone can think of a catchier nickname for
these Iranians, I will personally mail you a thank you note and
one dollar. I
personally like "Iranicons" a lot; it rhymes, it's
catchy, and it's so on the money. Just be sure
to leave me your real name and contact information so I don't
accidentally send that dollar to "Cyrus the Great" or "General
Xerxes." .................... Say
goodbye to spam!
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