THE IRANIAN
Today's Horrorscope
Dec 8, 1997 - Azar 17, 1376
Al in Teh-ran
The U.S. will send Senator Alfonse D'Amato to Tehran as an observer to the Islamic Summit. In his speech, he will try his best to be diplomatic: "In da name of gad. 'Onarable delegetsh, ladeezh an' genelmen... HEY! Shtop it wight dare fella! Ar' you drinkin' Coke? I don't care if you're Ali Baba or da Sheek of Sheeba. You don't busht our sancshenz while I'm hee'... So, what can I shay? I shapoz it'sh an 'onar to be hee'. Azh you know I'm no gweat fan of I-ran, but Pwezhident Clinton poysonally ashked me to come hee' to tell you dat we can't wait to settle a few gweevenshez durin' da U.S.-I-ran succa match in Fwance. It will soytenly be a kick in da wight diwection."
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